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留守岁月(三)思念的爱

(2007-01-28 23:38:58) 下一个

读着留守岁月一的跟贴,俺笑了。这笑可不容易奥,要知道俺可是当事人,如果他们说的对,那俺可就是直接的受害人。

回国创业="借口"100%的失足率),肯定很多人听过类似的话,也跟着传讲,于是讲的人多了,便成了真理一般。先不讲已经回国的男士是否含冤抱屈,就是正在想着回国发展的朋友们也无法苟同。有几个人是想以“回国创业”为“借口”,撇了妻儿回去找快活自由的,扪心自问,恐怕也没几个男士称是的。再说了,真是这种想法的老公,守在身边就是幸福?

不能回避国内日前的现实和风尚,可真的也没有“100%失足”那么恐怖,俺信事在人为,尽管这“为”极其艰难,最终“为”成与否自是难料,可没有这“信”字当头,俺还能相信什么?还能做什么?谁让俺就嫁了这样一位“有梦想”、“有抱负”、不安分的老公呢?女人的梦想是不求大福大贵,只求守着心爱的老公、孩子一家人安安稳稳的过日子,足矣。

先生回国,这话俺也听多了,而且每句这种断言的后面都跟着几个生动鲜活的事例,谁的身边都能举出几个先生回国工作,最终婚变的实例。

把他拉回来,这等于放虎归山……”

跟着回去,看住了……”

你就当这人已从家里走了,哪天回来了, 再当浪子回头,从头来过……”

一个人带着两个孩子……那过的哪里叫日子!”

一时间各种声音出自朋友的关怀,出自过来人的教诲,让俺好生迷茫。

那段日子真得很苦,没有去体验用酒精助眠(有朋友说她见过夜里要靠酒醉到自己的姐妹),却真正感受了一个人在一种无边的黑暗中眼泪滂沱,脆弱得担心自己会挺不过去的恐慌……

都过去了,总得过去,必须得过去。俺不愿再给回国发展的群体中,再加一例:先生回国创业,妻子挺不过去,最后崩溃了……

渐渐地,俺回到自己的思路上来,“把他拉回来……”,俺做不到——让一个人为了家庭放弃梦想;为了避免出现家庭危机的可能性,以断送一个人的理想为代价,这显然不是俺的思路。

“跟着回去,看住了……”,跟着回去,是为了一家人能在一起,如果是为了看住对方,真的是枉费心机,先不说国内不菲的离婚率,一起回去,最终还是劳燕单飞的例子也大有人在。可回去远不象想的那么简单,这话当然因人而异,每家的具体情况本不同,总之,俺暑假回去,都已经给孩子联系学校了,可最终还是回来了。

你就当这人已从家里走了,哪天回来了, 就当浪子回头,从头来过……”真得要如此悲观的打算吗?难道世间真情真如此之薄,十年、二十年相濡以沫,甘苦同担,一段时空,一条大洋,一次分离,就会随风而逝,那我们天天守着的就是这么薄的一份情,我怎么觉得守的几分悲凉。所以俺愿意相信俺现在拥有的是一份厚重的,能经受住考验的情感,不是说她能避开任何冲击,而是说她最终能经受住。就像俺今天的坚持,不是说没有过苦,是最终要挺过去,既然一定要过去,俺何不把“一个人带着两个孩子”的日子也过的甜美安详,更何况俺们一家人还成就着一个不大的理想——先生的事业(记得到www.eefocus.com看看呦),还开采经营着一个无价的宝藏——一份跨越时空用思念和期待连结的爱。

 

 

 

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VCPP 回复 悄悄话 我一直有个想法:革命路上常分手。哈哈,在这风起云涌的年月,夫妻恋人,为了工作,暂时分开的情况,在身边都看到了不少。应该没问题。
红箫 回复 悄悄话 hi,你的一句Take care bigger sister,把我的眼泪引来了,几分疼惜,几分关切,好小妹,知道你有多心痛,可一切发生了,只有面对,现在能做的只能是尽量好好处理这一切,知道这有多么不容易。从你留言的言辞中,可以看出,你是一个好善良温柔的女人,要相信你们17年的感情,一定会度过着这一难关的,好好珍惜,好好把握,不是我们软弱,不是我们真地离开谁无法活下去,是因为你是那么善良,你那么爱他,爱你们的家,让步者是真正的强者,宽容的女人是最伟大的女人,相信你的先生明白这一切,他会珍惜你,你们会有更幸福的未来,红箫为你们祝福。
brokendream 回复 悄悄话 Looks like you still want to stay in here. If you ask every heartbroken wife with hubby in China, they probably have similar thoughts as you before something happened. And that is probably why even with so many examples, the same thing happens again and again. Every body thinks they are the exceptions. My thinking was just like you before my heart being smashed. Our love kept him away from temptations for almost 3 years and finally the right person came along and he gave in. What else do I need to say to make you understand? If you are still determined to stay, I just wish the best for you. Your husband will be near saint if he can stay in China for a few years without any problems. If your age showing on the blog is right, you are a little older than me. Take care bigger sister. I hope you can rethink your decisions again.
红箫 回复 悄悄话 谢谢朋友们的关心。brokendream,能对你说什么呢,有什么安慰能让那份心痛少一点点?但愿你早日渡过家庭的这个严冬,迎来本该属于她的春天,为您祈福!
brokendream 回复 悄悄话 Don't know what to say. My hubby went to back to China for a few years. He told me that almost all his colleagues with wives still in US are either divorced or are having affairs behind wives backs. He told me that he is probably the only exception. I trusted him with all my heart and he told me often how much he loves me. We believe that we have the strongest love among our friends. I told him that if he ever did anything wrong, I would kill myself. But, finally the most heartbreaking thing happened: he is having a lover in China now. He told me that he still loves me very much but can't break up with the lover. I cried, cried and lost lots of weight in just a few days. I can't believe this can happen to me. Not even his family and friends believe this can happen. But it happened. I feel I am dying inside. I realized now that overconfidence is disaster waiting to happen. I never imagined I could possibly forgive him if he ever had an affair. But when divorce becomes a real possibility, I totally lost it. I realized how painful it is to ignore 17 years of loving marriage and start new again. I realized how much I still love him. He cried a lot too and even wants to kill himself because he feels sorry to both me and his lover. His lover knows that he is married and wouldn’t divorce, but still wants to be with him. Believe me, it is the most painful thing that can happen to you and you will not be as cool as you are now once you are in it. I just feel really stupid right now to leave him alone in China for so long despite all the warnings from other people. I wanted to go with him to China, but my kid didn't. So, going back to China was just kind of in holding pattern until this happened. Regardless of his relationship with his lover, I have decided to go back China very soon. I want to give my last try to save my marriage. I don't believe divorce is in the best interest for either of us. I deeply believe he still loves me. It is just that fresh love passion blinds him now. Telling you all this because I don’t want to see another person going through what I am going through now. Believe me: no body is immune to temptation. I don’t want to see another overconfident wife to realize that her loving husband can be part of that 100% too. Deep down, all people and families are similar.
chengzhen1408 回复 悄悄话 红箫,你好!

朋友一场,俺给你打点气. 生活是一种选择, 选择你乐意的, 喜爱的,享受的,自然的,现实的,知足的,梦想中的, 然后坚持下去(以上都是你的能量和资源). 再问问自己, 这是不是你想要的. 是, 祝福你. 不是, 没关系, 朝着你想要的继续努力. 哭哭鼻子, 掉掉眼泪,
充满自信地往前走. 看来思念和期待是你价值观的重头戏, 我很欣赏. 一个人带着两个孩子, 这是多大的事业呀. 难道你先生只是为了自己的那点事业心吗? 我相信不是的.

HOPE IT HELPS,

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