正文
这次我真地笑不起来了，brokendream的留言让我心痛，如今的婚姻真的就这么脆弱？世间真的再无久长不在朝夕的真情？现今我们一生相托的另一半，只能是厮守着的亲密爱人，真的已无法承受一个信字？真的就有那么一个100%？我把一大堆的疑问提出来？抛砖引玉，想听大家的箴言。
附：
留守岁月（三）思念的爱
读着“留守岁月一”的跟贴，俺笑了。这笑可不容易奥，要知道俺可是当事人，如果他们说的对，那俺可就是直接的受害人。
“回国创业="借口"（100%的失足率）”，肯定很多人听过类似的话，也跟着传讲，于是讲的人多了，便成了真理一般。先不讲已经回国的男士是否含冤抱屈，就是正在想着回国发展的朋友们也无法苟同。有几个人是想以“回国创业”为“借口”，撇了妻儿回去找快活自由的，扪心自问，恐怕也没几个男士称是的。再说了，真是这种想法的老公，守在身边就是幸福？
不能回避国内日前的现实和风尚，可真的也没有“100%失足”那么恐怖，俺信事在人为，尽管这“为”极其艰难，最终“为”成与否自是难料，可没有这“信”字当头，俺还能相信什么？还能做什么？谁让俺就嫁了这样一位“有梦想”、“有抱负”、不安分的老公呢？女人的梦想是不求大福大贵，只求守着心爱的老公、孩子一家人安安稳稳的过日子，足矣。
从先生回国，这话俺也听多了，而且每句这种断言的后面都跟着几个生动鲜活的事例，谁的身边都能举出几个先生回国工作，最终婚变的实例。
“把他拉回来，这等于放虎归山……”；
“跟着回去，看住了……”；
“你就当这人已从家里走了，哪天回来了， 再当浪子回头，从头来过……”；
“一个人带着两个孩子……那过的哪里叫日子!”
一时间各种声音出自朋友的关怀，出自过来人的教诲，让俺好生迷茫。
那段日子真得很苦，没有去体验用酒精助眠（有朋友说她见过夜里要靠酒醉到自己的姐妹），却真正感受了一个人在一种无边的黑暗中眼泪滂沱，脆弱得担心自己会挺不过去的恐慌……
都过去了，总得过去，必须得过去。俺不愿再给回国发展的群体中，再加一例：先生回国创业，妻子挺不过去，最后崩溃了……
渐渐地，俺回到自己的思路上来，“把他拉回来……”，俺做不到——让一个人为了家庭放弃梦想；为了避免出现家庭危机的可能性，以断送一个人的理想为代价，这显然不是俺的思路。
“跟着回去，看住了……”，跟着回去，是为了一家人能在一起，如果是为了看住对方，真的是枉费心机，先不说国内不菲的离婚率，一起回去，最终还是劳燕单飞的例子也大有人在。可回去远不象想的那么简单，这话当然因人而异，每家的具体情况本不同，总之，俺暑假回去，都已经给孩子联系学校了，可最终还是回来了。
“你就当这人已从家里走了，哪天回来了， 就当浪子回头，从头来过……”真得要如此悲观的打算吗？难道世间真情真如此之薄，十年、二十年相濡以沫，甘苦同担，一段时空，一条大洋，一次分离，就会随风而逝，那我们天天守着的就是这么薄的一份情，我怎么觉得守的几分悲凉。所以俺愿意相信俺现在拥有的是一份厚重的，能经受住考验的情感，不是说她能避开任何冲击，而是说她最终能经受住。就像俺今天的坚持，不是说没有过苦，是最终要挺过去，既然一定要过去，俺何不把“一个人带着两个孩子”的日子也过的甜美安详，更何况俺们一家人还成就着一个不大的理想——先生的事业(记得到www.eefocus.com看看呦)，还开采经营着一个无价的宝藏——一份跨越时空用思念和期待连结的爱。
附Brokendream的留言:
Don't know what to say. My hubby went to back to China for a few years. He told me that almost all his colleagues with wives still in US are either divorced or are having affairs behind wives backs. He told me that he is probably the only exception. I trusted him with all my heart and he told me often how much he loves me. We believe that we have the strongest love among our friends. I told him that if he ever did anything wrong, I would kill myself. But, finally the most heartbreaking thing happened: he is having a lover in China now. He told me that he still loves me very much but can't break up with the lover. I cried, cried and lost lots of weight in just a few days. I can't believe this can happen to me. Not even his family and friends believe this can happen. But it happened. I feel I am dying inside. I realized now that overconfidence is disaster waiting to happen. I never imagined I could possibly forgive him if he ever had an affair. But when divorce becomes a real possibility, I totally lost it. I realized how painful it is to ignore 17 years of loving marriage and start new again. I realized how much I still love him. He cried a lot too and even wants to kill himself because he feels sorry to both me and his lover. His lover knows that he is married and wouldn’t divorce, but still wants to be with him. Believe me, it is the most painful thing that can happen to you and you will not be as cool as you are now once you are in it. I just feel really stupid right now to leave him alone in China for so long despite all the warnings from other people. I wanted to go with him to China, but my kid didn't. So, going back to China was just kind of in holding pattern until this happened. Regardless of his relationship with his lover, I have decided to go back China very soon. I want to give my last try to save my marriage. I don't believe divorce is in the best interest for either of us. I deeply believe he still loves me. It is just that fresh love passion blinds him now. Telling you all this because I don’t want to see another person going through what I am going through now. Believe me: no body is immune to temptation. I don’t want to see another overconfident wife to realize that her loving husband can be part of that 100% too. Deep down, all people and families are similar.
附：
留守岁月（三）思念的爱
读着“留守岁月一”的跟贴，俺笑了。这笑可不容易奥，要知道俺可是当事人，如果他们说的对，那俺可就是直接的受害人。
“回国创业="借口"（100%的失足率）”，肯定很多人听过类似的话，也跟着传讲，于是讲的人多了，便成了真理一般。先不讲已经回国的男士是否含冤抱屈，就是正在想着回国发展的朋友们也无法苟同。有几个人是想以“回国创业”为“借口”，撇了妻儿回去找快活自由的，扪心自问，恐怕也没几个男士称是的。再说了，真是这种想法的老公，守在身边就是幸福？
不能回避国内日前的现实和风尚，可真的也没有“100%失足”那么恐怖，俺信事在人为，尽管这“为”极其艰难，最终“为”成与否自是难料，可没有这“信”字当头，俺还能相信什么？还能做什么？谁让俺就嫁了这样一位“有梦想”、“有抱负”、不安分的老公呢？女人的梦想是不求大福大贵，只求守着心爱的老公、孩子一家人安安稳稳的过日子，足矣。
从先生回国，这话俺也听多了，而且每句这种断言的后面都跟着几个生动鲜活的事例，谁的身边都能举出几个先生回国工作，最终婚变的实例。
“把他拉回来，这等于放虎归山……”；
“跟着回去，看住了……”；
“你就当这人已从家里走了，哪天回来了， 再当浪子回头，从头来过……”；
“一个人带着两个孩子……那过的哪里叫日子!”
一时间各种声音出自朋友的关怀，出自过来人的教诲，让俺好生迷茫。
那段日子真得很苦，没有去体验用酒精助眠（有朋友说她见过夜里要靠酒醉到自己的姐妹），却真正感受了一个人在一种无边的黑暗中眼泪滂沱，脆弱得担心自己会挺不过去的恐慌……
都过去了，总得过去，必须得过去。俺不愿再给回国发展的群体中，再加一例：先生回国创业，妻子挺不过去，最后崩溃了……
渐渐地，俺回到自己的思路上来，“把他拉回来……”，俺做不到——让一个人为了家庭放弃梦想；为了避免出现家庭危机的可能性，以断送一个人的理想为代价，这显然不是俺的思路。
“跟着回去，看住了……”，跟着回去，是为了一家人能在一起，如果是为了看住对方，真的是枉费心机，先不说国内不菲的离婚率，一起回去，最终还是劳燕单飞的例子也大有人在。可回去远不象想的那么简单，这话当然因人而异，每家的具体情况本不同，总之，俺暑假回去，都已经给孩子联系学校了，可最终还是回来了。
“你就当这人已从家里走了，哪天回来了， 就当浪子回头，从头来过……”真得要如此悲观的打算吗？难道世间真情真如此之薄，十年、二十年相濡以沫，甘苦同担，一段时空，一条大洋，一次分离，就会随风而逝，那我们天天守着的就是这么薄的一份情，我怎么觉得守的几分悲凉。所以俺愿意相信俺现在拥有的是一份厚重的，能经受住考验的情感，不是说她能避开任何冲击，而是说她最终能经受住。就像俺今天的坚持，不是说没有过苦，是最终要挺过去，既然一定要过去，俺何不把“一个人带着两个孩子”的日子也过的甜美安详，更何况俺们一家人还成就着一个不大的理想——先生的事业(记得到www.eefocus.com看看呦)，还开采经营着一个无价的宝藏——一份跨越时空用思念和期待连结的爱。
附Brokendream的留言:
Don't know what to say. My hubby went to back to China for a few years. He told me that almost all his colleagues with wives still in US are either divorced or are having affairs behind wives backs. He told me that he is probably the only exception. I trusted him with all my heart and he told me often how much he loves me. We believe that we have the strongest love among our friends. I told him that if he ever did anything wrong, I would kill myself. But, finally the most heartbreaking thing happened: he is having a lover in China now. He told me that he still loves me very much but can't break up with the lover. I cried, cried and lost lots of weight in just a few days. I can't believe this can happen to me. Not even his family and friends believe this can happen. But it happened. I feel I am dying inside. I realized now that overconfidence is disaster waiting to happen. I never imagined I could possibly forgive him if he ever had an affair. But when divorce becomes a real possibility, I totally lost it. I realized how painful it is to ignore 17 years of loving marriage and start new again. I realized how much I still love him. He cried a lot too and even wants to kill himself because he feels sorry to both me and his lover. His lover knows that he is married and wouldn’t divorce, but still wants to be with him. Believe me, it is the most painful thing that can happen to you and you will not be as cool as you are now once you are in it. I just feel really stupid right now to leave him alone in China for so long despite all the warnings from other people. I wanted to go with him to China, but my kid didn't. So, going back to China was just kind of in holding pattern until this happened. Regardless of his relationship with his lover, I have decided to go back China very soon. I want to give my last try to save my marriage. I don't believe divorce is in the best interest for either of us. I deeply believe he still loves me. It is just that fresh love passion blinds him now. Telling you all this because I don’t want to see another person going through what I am going through now. Believe me: no body is immune to temptation. I don’t want to see another overconfident wife to realize that her loving husband can be part of that 100% too. Deep down, all people and families are similar.
知道这件事后，我的第一感觉就是痛苦和麻木，不敢相信这样的事会发生在我的身上，还有就是觉得自己输得很惨，也不知道输到哪里。所有的症状都和brokendream 一样。他也很后悔，说自己并不想怎末样 云云。可是，又有什末意义呢，彼此之间失去信任的婚姻，又能够维持多久呢。我常常安慰自己，愿赌服输吧。不是你的，终究不是你的，无论你们在一起有多久。女人常常把自己全部的精力都放在先生和孩子身上而忽略了自己，所以，当头顶上的那片天不在为你遮风挡雨的时候，就觉着什末都没有了。 其实，想明白了，自己做自己头上的那片天又有什末不好，最起码，不会受到伤害。
我的姐妹们，善待自己是最重要的。