Raising an emotionally interlligent child .John Gottman
Emotion-coaching strategies
1, avoid excessive criticism, humiliating comments, or mocking your child
2, use "scaffolding" and praise to coach your child. First, parents will talk in a slow, calm mannner, giving their children just enough information to get started. Then they would wait for the child to do something right and offer her specific praise for their action. next, following such prasie, the parents would typically add just a little bit more instruction. Finally, the family would repeat the steps, with their children learning the game in increments. 利用“脚手架”方法，先平静缓慢地教给孩子足够多的信息， 等待孩子做出正确的反馈后给予客观而恰当的表扬。然后， 父母可以适当加入一些建议、指导。最后，家庭要重复这些步骤， 使得孩子能够逐渐掌握。循序渐进是学习的有效方法，包括对情商和思想的认知和学习。
3, ignore your 'parental agenda"
4, create a mental map of your child's daily life.
tips: set up base knowledge of your kid as a kind of map--one that parents make a conscious effort to carry in their minds. for example, considering such a map, a parent might say, "this is my child's world and these are the people who populate it. I know their names, their faces, and their personalities. I know how my child feels about each one. Here are my child's closest friends and this one is his foe. My child thinks this teacher is nice, this coach is funny, but that teacher intimidates him. This is the layout of his school. I know where he feels most comfortable, and I know what dangers he feels he has to face here. this is his daily schedule. These subjects interest him most and these cause him trouble. 这些细节非常关键。 没有这些基本信息的了解，又如何能建立起与孩子的亲密依赖关系？
5, avoid "siding with the enemy"
6, think about your child's experiences in terms of similar adult situations
7, don't try to impose your solutions on your childs problems
8, empower your child by giving choices, repecting wishes
9, share in your child's dreams and fantasies
10, be honest with your child
11, read children's literature together
12, be patient with the process
13, understand your base of power as a parent
14, believe in the positive natur of human development
literatures:
Books for infants and toddlers:
feelings by Alik (Greenwillow, 1984) a catalogue of emotions with great illustrations that can help young children form a vocabulary for feelings like sorrow, joy, love, hate, pride, fear and frustration.
Going to the potty by Fred Rogers, (Putnam, 1986) Trust public television's Mister Rogers to help little ones sort through their feelings about a major life transition. Other books in this " first experience" series include Going to Day Care, going to the doctor, and The New Baby.
Holes and Peeks by Ann Jonas (Greenwillow, 1984)
Peeking through buttonholes and other small spaces to see scary things makes them seem less harrowing.
The runaway Bunny by Margaret Wise Brown --> Baby bunny fantasizes about runing away from his mother. With each fantasy, mother reassures him that she'll always be there to find and protect him.
Books for early Childhood
Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst,--> It all starts with a cereal box that has no prize and goes downhill from there.
The Berenstain Bears by Stan and Jan Berenstain (我们家读了这个系列的中文版， 以后可以把英文的再看一遍， 很高兴有一些书我们已经开始）
Gila Monsters Meet you at the Airport by Marjorie Weinman Sharmat, -->a little boy's outrageous fantasies about moving to a new city provide and opportunity for families to talk about fears, real and imagined.
Harry and the Treeible Whatzit by Dick Gackenbach, (Clarion, 1978) -->A reassuring story about a little boy who follows his mom into the cellar to protect her from the monsters he imagines lurk there.
The Hating Book by Charlotte Zolotow, 1969--> A brief sotry about the ups and downs of spending time with a close friend.
Ira Sleeps Over by Bernard Waber, 1972-->
Ira must decide whether to bring his teddy bear when he''s invited to spend the night at a friend's house.
Little Rabbit's Loose Tooth by Lucy Bate, 1975--> one charming bunny's experience of theis exciteing milestone.
My Mama Needs Me by Mildred Pits Walter, 1983--> Before the arrival of his new sister, Jason is worried about his ability to be a good big brother. After the baby comes, he's relieved that she sleeps most of the time.
