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Coming to America
by 姐姐
1. Why did they come?
They came to escape persecution and to have a better life. They came for more money, also to escape the danger of the wars and natural disaters. They also came for good fortune in their new lives.
[Excellent!]
2. What did they bring?
They brought food, dreams, and hope. Then made a better sail. They brought family and friends, strength and courage, and clothes to keep them warm. They brought languages, one toy, some food, and passports. They brought leather sacks and mattresses, too.
[Good!]
3. What was the ocean trip like?
It is like a very scary vision! On board, you have to pay to go. Lots of people have died! When you get to Ellis Island, you will have a happy life.
[Give more detail about the ocean voyage. More detail!]
4. What happened at Ellis Island?
It happened to test you, and (to see) if you are sick, they mark you with a chalk, of an X.
[Yes! Watch. Neatness!]
5. Other facts
Some people who died on the ocean trip were put in a trunk. When they saw a land, they dropped the trunk into the ocean, and they burried the trunk.
[No comments].
席评：这是姐姐在小学二年级天才班下半年的一篇课堂练习。题目和问句都是老师给的，大概是在阅读了一篇文章之后，让小学生在课堂上自己写的。中括号之内，是老师的评语。
可以看出，这个阶段的姐姐，在写作上还有很多的欠缺：
１、动词的时态，常常是忘记了过去时，可是老师只是随手给改了，并没有当作是一个问题给特别的指出来。
２、句子之间的连接词，用了太多的and，老师也只是给改过来，重新给断句，没有当做是错误。
３、在第三段落，需要描写的更详细。我们一般的家长，平时比较注重语法，但不重视文章的内容。可是对这一点，人家老师就特别的给指了出来。
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