今日废话屁事，但愿不会冒犯淑女雅士。

这也实在是由一则英语新闻有感而发:  美国警察因为某人在警局放屁就要他蹲大牢，不依法办事也违反人权，说不过去。新闻如下:

Man charged after allegedly passing gas toward cop

Thu Sep 25, 3:58 PM ET

A West Virginia man who police said passed gas and fanned it toward a patrolman has been charged with battery on a police officer.

Jose A. Cruz, 34, of Clarksburg, was pulled over early Tuesday for driving without headlights, police said. According to the criminal complaint, Cruz smelled of alcohol, had slurred speech and failed three field sobriety tests before he was handcuffed and taken to a police station for a breathalyzer test.

As Patrolman T.E. Parsons prepared the machine, Cruz scooted his chair toward Parsons, lifted his leg and "passed gas loudly," the complaint said.

Cruz, according to complaint, then fanned the gas toward the officer.

"The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Patrolman Parsons," the complaint alleged.

He was also charged with driving under the influence, driving without headlights and two counts of obstruction.

Cruz acknowledged passing gas, but said he didn't move his chair toward the officer nor aim gas at the patrolman. He said he had an upset stomach at the time, but police denied his request to go to the bathroom when he first arrived at the station.

"I couldn't hold it no more," he said.

He also denied being drunk and uncooperative as the police complaint alleged. He added he was upset at being prepared for a breathalyzer test while having an asthma attack. The police statement said he later resisted being secured for a trip to a hospital that he requested for asthma treatment.

Cruz said the officers thought the gas incident was funny when it happened and laughed about it with him.

"This is ridiculous," he said. "I could be facing time."

读新闻学英语，我们先注解词汇:

pass gas = 放屁(英文gas也可作"天然气"或"汽油"讲)
patrolman = 巡逻警察(patrol不是petrol，别整岔了)
battery = 攻击罪
slurred speech = 说话打颤(舌头打滑)
sobriety test = 对神志是否清醒的测试
breathalyzer = 呼吸分析 (是breath和analyzer的合成)
drive under influence = 酒后驾车
asthma = 呼吸道过敏
facing time = 要坐牢

这事情经过也不复杂: 巡逻警官在West Virginia的Clarksburg小镇逮了个名叫Jose A. Cruz的哥儿们(看名字，Jose兄是老墨)。三十大几还行为不端，开车没头灯让警察叔叔拦下，口有酒味儿，说话履不直口条。进了局子还不服，把座椅移近警官，撇开腿对着"叔叔"来了个响的，完了还用手把气煽向警官，所以被告“攻击警察”。

这警察也真是小题大做，不就是放个屁嘛。据Jose申辩，警官当时也没忍住大笑来着。笑后要人就此郎当入狱，当然有滥用警力违反美国人权的嫌疑。况且Jose也曾请示上厕所，被拒后才当庭出响。

警察不该让人憋屁。当庭放响屁不雅但不伤人，甚至不能算作道德沦丧。

其实，屁也涉及"文化内涵"。首先，有关屁的词汇就不少。英文里动词放屁是fart，同义词很多，有break wind(破风)，pass wind(通风)，morning thunder(清晨雷响--一日之屁在于晨?)，还有stepping  on a toad(踩着蛤蟆了--蛤蟆叫声与屁响谐音?)；多屁者常被戏称gas man，因为他们体内有太多的flatulence(或flatus)...。

西方文明对放屁也有约定俗成(Farting Etiquette)，在早年间的中世纪，饭后大声响屁是对家庭煮妇的恭维，类似与中国人的饭后打饱嗝。据传德国先贤马丁路特(Martin Luther)说过: Why don't you belch and fart, did you not enjoy the meal? (德国话: Warum rülpset und furzet ihr nicht, hat es euch denn nicht geschmecket?)--中文意思是，为什么你们饭后既没打嗝又不放屁? 难道这顿饭你们没吃好? 

后来，这一响屁习俗被摈弃，取而代之的是更加文明的放屁礼节。比如，

1.  无论是带响的还是暗自泄出，尽量去室外排气；
2.  大庭广众如有女士不幸走风，男士要勇于英雄救美替MM受过，第一时间说出"我干的"，等等

文化比较有助于外文学习，这有一定道理。比方说，老外听闻屁响时会问"有谁踩蛤蟆了?"  中国人听到女人尖叫时关怀的话语是: "有谁踩鸡脖了?"  比较有助记忆。

中国话里对放屁的辩词自古有之: 屁者，乃人身之气也。现代人说: 这是一股气，哪有不放之理!  但是，虽然豪言气吞山河，终是不能"放者得志，欲仙欲死；闻者丧气，闭唇捂鼻"。创建和谐社会倡导现代文明需要每位共和国公民的努力!  当然，屁者也不一定就是反文明，伟人"不须放屁"已然进了古体诗词的大雅之堂。

不过，屁声有伤儒雅时，需要一定的掩饰技巧。下面两则传闻或可供作参考:

1.  如今手机电话人人会用。手机来电话时提示可以是有声响的，也可以是无声的颤动。某地方首长政绩卓著，但下体排气时常不加节制。女秘书建议首长，至少在公开场合要像手机那样静音。首长采纳合理建议后果然大有改进，声响锐减。但一日女秘书见首长在座椅里颤动不止，急问首长身体有何不适?  首长答: 自你要我静音以来，我将"声响"改成"颤动"，所以现在每天至少要这样颤动几十次；

2.  南方某大学大一英语课，美女教员年轻亮丽，深受广大体内荷尔蒙撞顶的男学生们爱戴。某日课堂展开"战争与和平"的讨论，靓女老师台上不幸走风，红晕上脸有点挂不住，但为维护经年营造的"光辉形象"，急智地用问题掩饰尴尬: 请说出和平、战争、和动词"发现"的过去式。 众男生一如既往地踊跃抢答: Peace、War、Found!

(英语词汇注解:  Peace = 屁是，War = 我，Found = 放的)。

结语:  "英雄救美"中外殊途同归，但无论有无靓女在场，漏气人要尽量避嫌， 闻屁者也不要让人下不了台，这道理有古诗为证:

闻屁莫要嫌，屁乃肚中气，本是自然生，相闻何太急。