1 求生/Seeking to survive

A sick man was about to die. The doctor decided to tell him the truth.

He looked down at the sick man and said: "I think you would like to know the facts, so I should tell you that you are very sick now. Do you want somebody to come to see you?"

"Yes," the sick man answered in a very feeble voice. "Who is it?" asked the doctor. The patient replied in a slightly stronger tone, "Another doctor".

有个病人快要死了，医生决定告诉他真相。

他看着病人：“我想你想知道事实，所以我应该告诉你，你已经病得很重了。现在你想有什么人来看你吗？”

“是啊，”病人回答，声音十分微弱。医生问：“谁呢？”这时病人用稍微强烈的语气回答说：“另一位医生。”

2 布朗先生和他的汽车/Mr Brown and his Car

Mr.Brown lives in a small town, but then he gets a job in a big city and moves there with his wife and his two children. On the first Sunday in their new home, Brown takes his new car out of the garage and washes it. A neighbor comes by. When he sees Brown's new car, the neighbor stops and looks at it for a minute. Then Brown turns and sees him.

The neighbor says, "That's a nice car. Is it yours?" "Sometimes." Brown answers.

The neighbor is surprised. "Sometimes?" he says. "What do you mean?"

"Well," answers Brown slowly, "When there is a party in the town, it belongs to my daughter, Jane. When there is a football game somewhere, it belongs to my son, Joe. When I've washes it, and it is really nice and clean, then it belongs to my wife. And when it needs gas, it's mine."

布朗先生居住在一个小城镇里，但随后在大城市里得到了工作并和他的妻子，两个孩子搬到了城里。在他搬到新家的第一个星期天，布朗先生把他的小汽车从车库里开出来进行冲洗。一位邻居经过。当他看见布朗先生的新车时，这位邻居停下来看了一会儿。接着布朗先生转身看见了他。

邻居说：“这辆车真漂亮，是你的吗？”“有时候是。”布朗先生回答。

这位邻居很吃惊。“有时？”他说：“什么意思？”

“哦，”布朗先生慢慢地说：“当城镇有聚会时，它属于我的女儿——简。当某处有足球赛时，就属于我的儿子——乔。当我洗刷好车，车看起来确实干净漂亮，它就属于我妻子。当需要汽油时，它这时就属于我了。“

3 征婚启事/The personals

Things were really getting worse after the war. Life became so difficult that a lot of people lived in want.

A newspaper had published an advertisement for a man in want of tires: "Owner of a truck would like to correspond with a widow who owns two tires. Object: matrimony. Send picture of tires."

战后情况真是越来越糟了。生活变得非常艰难，缺少东西的人很多。

有一家报纸曾给一个需要轮胎的人登过一个这样的广告：“一部货车的车主愿意和一位备有两个轮胎的寡妇通信。目的：成婚。 要把轮胎的照片寄过来。”

4 一个遭遇海难的水手/A shipwrecked sailor

A sailor was the only survivor of the shipwreck.

He had to stay on a desert island for three years.

One day he was very pleased to find a ship anchored in the day. When a small boat came ashore, an officer handed him a bunch of newspaper and said, "The captain suggests you read what's going on the world, and then tell us if you want to be rescued."

一个水手是船只失事后唯一的幸存者。

他不得不在一个荒岛上待了三年。

有一天他非常高兴地看到一艘大船停泊在海湾了。当一只小艇驶到岸边来时，一个军官把一堆报纸递给他，对他说：“船长建议你看看这些报纸，了解世情后再告诉我们，你想不想被解救。”

5 高薪/High pay

A famous lawyer always lectured his office boy. He thought it was good for the boy although he didn't need it.

One day it happened that the lawyer heard his office boy asked by the one employed next door, "How much does he pay you?" His office boy replied, "I get two thousand dollars a year. He pays some ten dollars a week in cash and the rest in his legal advice."

一位著名的律师老是给他办公室的勤杂工讲课，认为这对他有好处，尽管他并不需要。

有一天，这位律师偶然听到隔壁邻居的勤杂工问他的勤杂工：“他给你多少薪金？”他的勤杂工回答说：“我的年薪是2000美元，他每周付给我10美元左右的现金，其余的都算做他给我上课的学费啦。”

6 诚实/Honesty

A man went to an insurance office to have his life insured. The manager of the office asked him how old his parents were when they died.

"Mother had a bad heart and died at the age of thirty. Father died of tuberculosis when he was thirty-five."

"I am very sorry," said the manager, "We cannot insure your life as your parents were not healthy."

As the man was leaving the office, depressed, he met a clerk who had overheard the conversation.

"You must not be so frank and tell the truth," said the clerk, "no office will insure you if you speak like that. Use your imagination a little."

The man went to another office and was shown into the manager's room.

"Well, young man, how old were your parents when they died ? "

"Mother was ninety-three, and she died from a fall off her bicycle. Father was ninety-eight and he died while he was playing football."

一位男子去一家保险公司给自己投人寿保险。保险公司经理问他，他父母去世时他们是多大岁数。

“母亲心脏不好，30岁过世的。父亲死于肺结核，其时35岁。”

“我非常抱歉，”经理说，“ 我们不能给你办人寿保险，因为你父母身体不健康。”

正当此人沮丧地离开保险公司时，他遇上了一位办事员，此人无意中听到了经理和他的谈话。

“你不应该如此坦率地讲真话，”那位办事员说，“ 如果照你那样讲，没有一家公司会给你办人寿保险。发挥一点你的想象力吧！”

这位男子去到另一家保险公司，被带进了经理室。

“嗯，年轻人，你父母去世时他们多大岁数?”

“母亲93岁，她是从自行车上摔下来去世的。父亲98 岁，他是在踢足球时去世的。”