I have been fighting my worst sorrow in the last week

My dearest father passed away on April 28, 2008, in China
A week after I called him, to tell him that I was going to visit him starting at the end of June
And he said “Welcome!”
A couple of days later he was very ill
After a week in hospital, he passed away at the not a very old age of 72
He has been fighting chronic diseases for years

I cannot help crying aloud when I am alone
The worst thing is that I was not around at his last moment
When I phoned a brother of mine and we cried over the phone
He said we never cried like that before.

The funeral is partially over
Cremation was done
And they are waiting for me to finish the burial together
And my scheduled traveling back is to handle something different now

My father knew that I would be back at the end of June
And at his last moment he was waiting for me with his eyes open wide
He was so weak that he could not move or speak
But when someone asked if he was waiting for me
He tried very hard to nod
And his tears came out of his eyes …

He was a farming villager
He did something almost impossible with his little income and almost no external help
He raised four sons and one daughter
And worked very hard to pay the three of us to gradute from universities
He spent most of his money on me
I cannot help shedding tears when I think of those facts

And my brothers told me that they organized a very good funeral
The village is like an extended family
Many old and new relatives, fellow villagers, my former primary school classmates, and my brothers’ colleagues attended, 200 of them

Their image of my father and mine are different
Theirs is sick and weak from his last moment
But mine is lively and strong and healthy from his young days, since I have been living away from him since attending my high school
And most of his health problem is from his hard working during his young days

I cry when I was walking alone on the street, in my car, or in my own room
Sometimes very loud