做男人难

I read several essays about love and lover in the morning. Once I finished them, I felt sorry for men.

A very popular Chinese saying by a famous actress was 做人难，做女人更难，做名女人难上加难。 Actually, what I feel now is 做男人难。

The first essay was titled “lover”. The story was about a man, who could not accept a girl’s love due to his deep love to his dead wife. I really admired the man’s wife, who accepted his immaturity, encouraged and trained him to be a wonderful man based on the essay. It reminded me of what my friend told me before. He said every good man was trained by a good woman. If you thought your man was not good enough, you need check yourself first before you ever complained. Actually, my humble opinion is only self-training works. However, the prerequisite of self-training is love. No love, no encouragement, no adaptation, no forgiveness, no compromise, no progress. Love is such a complicated concept and could be materialized in some cases. The man in the essay was undoubtedly a good man, who appreciated his wife so much. On the other hand, life is always moving on and it is useless to restrict into the old world. It is totally understandable and reasonable for him to love somebody else in the future. His wife would like to see him lead a happy new life and would bless him forever in heaven. I, on the contrary, would worry about the girl whom he will fall in love with. Would he compare her to his dead wife? Would she live in his wife’s shadow?

The second essay was named “I love you”. Chinese people do not say I love you everyday or even now and then no matter to spouse, parents or children. I was ever surprised by Western people who said I love you frequently. To them, saying I love you is just like eating and drinking, which are essentials to people's daily life. Maybe, like the opinion in the essay, just for reminding. When one says I love you, it actually reminds oneself of loving those beloved. I love this sentence 其实我只是一粒小小的沙子，他用爱把我变成了珍珠 . I am pretty sure love is sunshine to girls. Being loved, girls would be much more beautiful, more confident, more forgiving. How about men? The same. However, it seems like that only girls are qualified to demand. Because women are short memory animals, they have to hear I LOVE YOU everyday or at least frequently in order to confirm themselves that they are still being loved. If men did that, they would be complained as a womanish man.

The third essay was the most unfair one to men, as my point of view. The essay said a man should not say something like, I don’t love you anymore, or I hate you forever, or please forget me, when the man wants to break up with a girl. The only thing men could say is THAT WAS ALL MY FAULT. I understand the main point in the essay is girls are weak, should not be hurt by those painful words. Are men strong? They are expected to be by their social roles. They pretend to be for some reasons. What I hate most is the sentence I HATE YOU FOREVER. It means if I can not get you, I would rather curse you. I bet most people agree love is giving not receiving. In real life, the opposite of love is not simply hate.

See, men have to be strong, physically and mentally. Men have to say I LOVE YOU everyday. Men can only say I LOVE YOU FOREVER and THAT WAS ALL MY FAULT. Isn’t it unfair? Is it easy to be a man, especially a good man? Am I trying to spoiling men? Well, I only know every relationship is mutual. People involving are even. There is fair as long as people involved are happy and matching each other.