CRYING | Crying is a fault that should not be tolerated in children; not only for the unpleasant and unbecoming noise it fills the house with, but for more considerable reasons, in reference to the children themselves: which is to be our aim in education.

哭泣 | 哭泣是小孩的一种不可容忍的缺点；不仅是因为满屋的不愉快和不称心的噪音，而且是为了与小孩自己相关的更值得考虑的缘故：也就是我们教育的目的。

Their crying is of two sorts; either stubborn and domineering, or querulous and whining.

哭泣有两种：一种是固执又专横，另一种是唠叨又爱抱怨。

1. Their crying is very often a striving for mastery, and an open declaration of their insolence or obstinacy; when they have not the power to obtain their desire, they will, by their clamour and sobbing, maintain their title and right to it. This is an avowed continuing of their claim, and a sort of remonstrance against the oppression and injustice of those who deny them what they have a mind to.

1. 他们哭泣常常是争作主宰，是公开宣布他们的蛮横或固执己见；当他们还没有力量去达成他们的欲望，他们会通过喧闹和哭泣来维持他们的权力。这是他们要求的公然继续，是对别人拒绝他们一心想要的东西，让他们感到受到压迫、受到不公待遇的一种抗议。

2. Sometimes their crying is the effect of pain or true sorrow, and a bemoaning themselves under it.

2. 有时他们的哭泣是由痛苦或真正的悲伤引起的，也是他们自哀自怨。

These two, if carefully observed, may, by the mien, look, and actions, and particularly by the tone of their crying, be easily distinguished; but neither of them must be suffered, much less encouraged.

如果仔细观察，这两种哭泣是很容易从神态、眼神与动作，特别是从他们哭泣的声调上区分开来；但是这两者都不容忍，更不能鼓励。

1. The obstinate or stomachful crying should by no means be permitted, because it is but another way of flattering their desires, and encouraging those passions, which it is our main business to subdue: and if it be, as often it is, upon the receiving any correction, it quite defeats all the good effects of it; for any chastisement, which leaves them in this declared opposition, only serves to make them worse. The restraints and punishments laid on children are all misapplied and lost, as far as they do not prevail over their wills, teach them to submit their passions, and make their minds supple and pliant to what their parents reason advises them now, and so prepare them to obey what their own reason should advise hereafter. But if in any thing wherein they are crossed, they may be suffered to go away crying, they confirm themselves in their desires, and cherish the ill humour, with a declaration of their right, and a resolution to satisfy their inclinations the first opportunity. This therefore is another argument against the frequent use of blows: for, whenever you come to that extremity, it is not enough to whip or beat them, you must do it till you find you have subdued their minds, till with submission and patience they yield to the correction; which you shall best discover by their crying, and their ceasing from it upon your bidding. Without this, the beating of children is but a passionate tyranny over them; and it is mere cruelty, and not correction, to put their bodies in pain, without doing their minds any good. As this gives us a reason why children should seldom be corrected, so it also prevents their being so. For if, whenever they are chastised, it were done thus without passion, soberly and yet effectually too, laying on the blows and smart, not furiously and all at once, but slowly, with reasoning between, and with observation how it wrought, stopping when it had made them pliant, penitent, and yielding; they would seldom need the like punishment again, being made careful to avoid the fault that deserved it. Besides, by this means, as the punishment would not be lost, for being too little, and not effectual, so it would be kept from being too much, if we gave off as soon as we perceived that it reached the mind, and that was bettered. For, since the chiding or beating of children should be always the least that possibly may be, that which is laid on in the heat of anger, seldom observes that measure; but is commonly more than it should be, though it prove less than enough.

1. 固执或怨恨的哭泣是决不允许的，因为那只是另一种方式来逢迎他们的欲望、鼓励他们的情绪，而我们的主要任务正是要对其加以压制：假如哭泣发生在小孩正在接受惩罚纠正时，就如经常发生的那样，哭泣会很大程度抵消惩罚的好处；因为责骂导致小孩哭闹这种公然的反抗，只会让小孩变得更坏。就小孩所受的惩罚限制而言，如果它们不能胜过他们的意志，不能教导他们控制他们的情绪，不能使他们的心理现在顺从父母理智的建议，也就不能预备他们今后服从自己的理智，那么惩罚限制就是应用不当和浪费了。如果小孩在任何事上受到拒绝，却被容许走开去哭泣，他们就会坚持自己的欲望，维持坏脾气，宣示自己的权力，而且决心一有机会就去满足自己的偏好。所以这是反对经常使用鞭打的又一个理由：因为一旦到了鞭笞这一极端的时候，鞭抽棍打一下是不够的，你必须打到你已经征服他们的意志，直到他们耐心顺服地屈从于惩罚纠正为止；这你可以从他们的哭泣，从他们听到你的命令就停止哭泣上看得最清楚。否则，鞭打小孩只是对他们的激愤的专横，是纯粹的残忍，不是惩罚纠正，只是让他们的身体受痛苦，对他们的心理没有好处。这给了我们一个理由很少去责罚小孩，同时也防止他们常常犯事受罚。因为每当我们责罚他们时，不是出于激怒，而是冷静又有效地施行，责打也不是一阵狂打，而是慢慢地、夹杂着说理地进行，并且观察它怎样起作用，当他们顺从、悔悟与屈服就停止鞭打他们；那么他们就会小心避免犯错挨打，就不再需要类似的惩罚了。另外用这样的方法，惩罚不会因为用得太少而浪费失效，而我们一看到责罚已经更好地触及心灵就停下，惩罚也就不会用得过多。因为责骂或鞭打小孩总是愈少愈好，而盛怒之中的责打很少遵循这个尺度，虽是常常打得过多，却被证明不够有效。

2. Many children are apt to cry, upon any little pain they suffer; and the least harm that befals them, puts them into complaints and bawling. This few children avoid: for it being the first and natural way to declare their sufferings or wants, before they can speak, the compassion that is thought due to that tender age foolishly encourages, and continues it in them long after they can speak. It is the duty, I confess, of those about children, to compassionate them, whenever they suffer any hurt; but not to show it in pitying them. Help and ease them the best you can, but by no means bemoan them. This softens their minds, and makes them yield to the little harms that happen to them; whereby they sink deeper into that part which alone feels, and make larger wounds there, than otherwise they would. They should be hardened against all sufferings, especially of the body, and have no tenderness but what rises from an ingenuous shame and a quick sense of reputation. The many inconveniences this life is exposed to, require we should not be too sensible of every little hurt. What our minds yield not to, makes but a slight impression, and does us but very little harm; it is the suffering of our spirits that gives and continues the pain. This brawniness and insensibility of mind, is the best armour we can have against the common evils and accidents of life; and being a temper that is to be got by exercise and custom, more than any other way, the practice of it should be begun betimes, and happy is he that is taught it early. That effeminacy of spirit, which is to be prevented or cured, and which nothing, that I know, so much increases in children as crying; so nothing, on the other side, so much checks and restrains, as their being hindered from that sort of complaining. In the little harms they suffer, from knocks and falls, they should not be pitied for falling, but bid do so again; which, besides that it stops their crying, is a better way to cure their heedlessness, and prevent their tumbling another time, than either childing or bemoaning them. But, let the hurts they receive be what they will, stop their crying, and that will give them more quiet and ease at present, and harden them for the future.

许多小孩受一点苦就爱哭啼；一点小小的伤害降临他们头上，他们就要抱怨和号哭。很少有小孩不这样的：因为在他们会说话之前，啼哭是表示他们的痛苦或需要的最初和自然的方式，因为他们弱小的年龄而同情他们的啼哭，愚蠢地鼓励他们的哭泣，使其继续到他们能说话之后很久。我承认，当小孩受伤害，他们周围的人有责任同情他们，但是不该可怜他们。尽你所能帮助与安慰他们，但绝不要为他们哀叹。这会使他们心理软弱，让他们屈服于他们遭遇到的一点点伤害；由此他们更深地沉溺于感到受伤的地方，造成不该有的更大伤害。应该让他们能够承受所有的痛苦，特别是身体上的痛苦，让他们不再软弱，只除了由真正的惭愧与对荣誉的敏感所生的柔和。人生有很多磨难，要求我们对每一个小小的伤害不要过于敏感。我们心理上不屈服的事情，只会留下轻微的印象，对我们并没有多大伤害；是我们精神上的受苦造成和延续了痛苦。精神上的顽强与不敏感，是我们抵御一般邪恶与人生意外的最好保护；这种脾性更多的是通过锻练与习惯取得的，所以要及早开始练习，那从小就得到这种教导的人就是幸福的人。精神脆弱是应该防止或纠正的，据我所知，没有任何事情比小孩哭啼更能使他们精神脆弱；因此另一方面，没有任何事情比制止小孩哭泣抱怨更能防止他们精神脆弱。当他们碰撞、摔倒受小伤时，不要可怜他们的摔倒，只是不要他们再摔倒；这样除了让他们停止哭泣，比责骂或哀叹更能纠正他们的疏忽大意，防止他们再次摔倒。但是不管他们受到什么伤害，总要他们停止哭泣，这不仅让他们现在更安静、更少痛苦，而且为将来让他们更坚强。

The former sort of crying requires severity to silence it; and where a look, or a positive command, will not do it, blows must: for it proceeding from pride, obstinacy, and stomach, the will, where the fault lies, must be bent, and made to comply, by a rigour sufficient to master it. But this latter, being ordinarily from softness of mind, a quite contrary cause, ought to be treated with a gentler hand. Persuasion, or diverting the thoughts another way, or laughing at their whining, may perhaps be at first the proper method: but for this, the circumstances of the thing, and the particular temper of the child, must be considered. No certain invariable rules can be given about it; but it must be left to the prudence of the parents or tutor. But this, I think, I may say in general, that there should be a constant discountenancing of this sort of crying also; and that the father, by his authority, should always stop it, mixing a greater degree of roughness in his looks or words, proportionably as the child is of a greater age, or a sturdier temper; but always, let it be enough to silence their whimpering, and put an end to the disorder.

前一种啼哭要严厉地加以制止；如果眼色或正面命令不能奏效，那就必须用鞭打：因为那是出于骄傲、顽固和欲望，一定要让这种产生缺陷的意志屈服，用一种足以控制它的严格方法使它顺从。但是这后一种啼哭，通常是出于心理软弱，一种完全相反的导因，应该用更温和的手法处理。劝解他们，或转移他们的注意力，或笑话他们的哀怨，也许是最初合适的方法：但是这必须考虑事情发生的客观条件与小孩的特殊性格。这没有什么一定之规，必须由父母或导师酌情决定。但是我认为总的来说，是要始终反对这种啼哭；父亲应该凭藉他的权威去制止这种啼哭，而且随着小孩的年纪更大或性格更坚强，相应他的脸色或言辞更粗重；但是总是以能制止他们的啜泣呜咽、停止他们的毛病为足够的。

摘自Some Thoughts Concerning Education (English-Chinese Edition)(ISBN-10: 1537479857)