ZT
My Self- Isolation Quarantine Diary:
 Day 1 – I Can Do This! Got enough food and wine to last a month!
 Day 2 – Opening my 8th bottle of Wine. I fear wine supplies might
 not last!
 Day 3 – Strawberries: Some have 210 seeds, some have 235
 seeds. Who knew?
 Day 4 – 8:00pm. Removed my Day Pajamas and put on my Night
 Pajamas.
 Day 5 – Today, I tried to make Hand Sanitizer. It came out as
 Jello Shots!!
 Day 6 – I get to take the Garbage out. I’m So excited, I can’t
 decide what to wear.
 Day 7 – Laughing way too much at my own jokes!
 Day 8 – Went to a new restaurant called “The Kitchen”. You have
 to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no
 clue how this place is still in business.
 Day 9 – I put liquor bottles in every room. Tonight, I’m getting all
 dressed up and going bar hopping.
 Day 10 – Struck up a conversation with a spider today. Seems
 nice. He’s a Web Designer.
 Day 11 – Isolation is hard. I swear my fridge just said, “What the
 hell do you want now?”

 Day 12 – I realized why dogs get so excited about something
 moving outside, going for walks or car rides. I think I just barked
 at a squirrel.
 Day 13 – If you keep a glass of wine in each hand, you can’t
 accidently touch your face.
 Day 14 – Watched the birds fight over a worm. The Cardinals lead
 the Blue Jays 3–1.
 Day 15 – Anybody else feel like they’ve cooked dinner about 395
 times this month?”

 The New Facts of Life:
 Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as
 amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking
 problem.
 I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of
 Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.
 I need to practice social- distancing from the refrigerator.
 PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make
 sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the
 kingdom.
 Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting
 and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.
 I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the
 clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone.

 This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was
 obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my
 house, told my dog. we laughed a lot.
 After this quarantine, will the producers of My 600 Pound
 Life just find me or do I find them?
 My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately
 that when I pee it cleans the toilet.
 Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called
 in a bomb threat
 I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto
 Backyarda. I'm getting tired of Los Living Room.
 Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't
 have the same teacher next year".... I’m offended.
 Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under.