My boss is sleeping with my beautiful underling

  Lucy Kellaway Sunday, February 03, 2008  

work for a company in Russia and have an exceptionally attractive woman on my team. She is 28, blonde and quite beautiful. The problem is my boss has a crush on her and I'm almost certain they're having an affair, despite his being 20 years older and married. She is bright and capable but somewhat over-promoted and this is making it hard to manage my team. Most are males, many of whom also have crushes on her, but now resent her too. Any ideas on how to manage this?

Manager, male, 35

LUCY'S ANSWER

What sort of thing did you have in mind? Did you see yourself complaining to some putative Russian HR department? Or solemnly taking your boss aside and telling him not to chase beautiful young women? Or maybe you saw yourself advising her to desist from the oldest trick in the book?

There is only one conceivable way of managing this, and that is to do nothing. What puzzles me is why it all troubles you so much. You say he's married and comment on the wide age gap between them. It's nice of you to fret about these things, but it's really none of your business. Indeed, your moralising makes me wonder where you have lived for the past 35 years. Evidently not in Russia.

You say the affair is making it hard to manage your team. Apparently your male underlings also lust after her, but is this making them into drooling imbeciles incapable of working? You say they resent the fact that she is “somewhat” over-promoted. But in that case my advice to them is to get over it (to borrow a phrase from my children). On most teams someone is over-promoted for one reason or another and everyone else puts up with it as a fact of office life. You say this woman is good at her job so she can't be as over- promoted as all that.

The real reason for your concern is transparent. You have a huge crush on this “quite beautiful” blonde yourself. That is why you are so troubled by an affair that would otherwise be a faintly diverting soap opera to tune into during office hours. If you are incapable of sitting back and enjoying the drama, then at least reassure yourself that it is unlikely to last. These shows run for a brief time only. When it is over your boss will almost certainly fire her. And will you be relieved? I suspect you'll miss her.

YOUR ADVICE

Mistress tells

I was once the young blonde mistress of a boss 20 years my senior. My colleagues were jealous but I handled it by working harder than any of them. So while they gossiped and complained, I learnt, got noticed, got promoted and eventually started my own company. Being the mistress got me into meetings I didn't yet belong in – but my brains, not my body, kept me there.

Entrepreneur, female

Don't tell HR

I had a similar situation when I worked for a Dutch multinational a few years ago. I told HR what was going on and they paid me to leave, preferring to protect their manager rather than cause a stink. Either do your best to ignore it or find another job.

Manager, male

Russian sex 1

You have clearly been working in Russia for about 30 seconds. This is normal business practice. In a straw poll of a mid-sized PR agency, about 75 per cent are having affairs. About 50 per cent of the women are more than averagely attractive. You'll get used to it in 18 months and start doing the same yourself.

Brit expat, male, 42

Russian sex 2

I've worked in Russia for 30 years and I can't remember an organisation that didn't have its quota of beautiful women who were having affairs with senior staff. Right now I run a project team of 30, and one beautiful girl is, I'm sure, having an affair with two of my most senior executives. If they can keep their sex lives from interfering with work, I turn a blind eye. If not, then out go the offenders, not on moral grounds, but for poor work performance.

Male, consultant, 60