I was used to be the parent figure who told what kids do or don't do. I am comfortable with the feeling of owning them. They belong to my family and they are mine. No one has closer realtionship than what's between us and them. However, I started to have uneasy feeling that our relationship with my kids is changing. They are growing up, they are becoming more independent, and they are more capable to experience on their own and I might not be the most influential one any more. I am.. I am losing control of them!

My husband laughed at me and said I cannot be the "Mu3 Ji1" any more. Mu ji, he said, has two meanings. Mu ji means ignorant in Cantonese. Mu ji means caring in a controlling way in Mandarin. I think he is a genius. I have exactly the mindset of Mu ji. I considered myself to be open-minded when I was giving my trust to them when they were little as it was still part of my plan. I gradually realize that they will do more and more things with their own planning which I won't and shouldn't be the major party to take part in.

The older one has a boyfriend and might work toward building family together which is brand new concept to me. It is hard to accept the idea that she might have her own family someday. I wanted her to be happy and I am happy that she finds someone who loves her and she loves. It's just that I am not used to the idea that she won't belong 100%  to my family. Being selfish is a tendency. My husband is right. I am ignorant and controlling. The younger one will go to college this fall. She told me the other day: let me do my own planning. I was happy that my baby is also growing up but a little sad that she will be flying on her won soon as well. I didn't feel the hardship other than happiness when we had new borns to family. Acknowleding and supporting their independency, however, is certainly not easy.

The thing is that I need to grow up and learn to enjoy new phase of life. It's good that our children can teach us somthing new now and it's good that we can share our life experience together in an adult to adult way. Stop being selfish and timid! Grow up!