星期一, 大早晨就开始热, 据说今天的最高气温可达27度, 这么快就是夏天了. 老电脑终于支持不住, 光荣退休, 周末出去转了转, 发现电脑降价得厉害, 咬咬牙买了台新的, 虽然最近手头很紧. 刚刚查过银行帐号, 收入很少, 支出很多, 一直处于负增长状态, 心虚得很, 单身女人最关心的两件事, 一是容貌是否青春永驻, 二是银行里自己户头上的数字, 当然如果你老爸是Bill Gates, 可以忽略第二条. 很可惜, 我家老爸乃一老顽童type的布衣, 所以每次查看自己银行户头的时候, 总要一边发愁, 一边注意不要皱眉, 因为皱眉会生皱纹, 那样岂不是人财两失... 我向来不是理财高手, 主要是态度不够端正, 虽然认识到金钱的重要性, 但总抱着"千金散尽还复来"的想法, 有钱的时候花得大方, 没钱的时候只好发愁. 用专业FA的术语来说, 没有形成positive cashflow, 缺乏saving plans. Saving大概是世上最难的事之一, 抑制自己的消费欲望比抑制食欲要难得多, 以前高中政治课上老师讲过, 人是天生的消费者, 天生的!!! 唉, 每到这样的时候, 我就会回顾过去的种种和钱擦肩而过的经历, 如果当初嫁给Robert, 恐怕现在可以在家做太太享清福, 无需担心钱; 如果当初没有搞砸上一个工作, 每个月的收入至少会多出一截, 手头可以宽裕很多; 如果... "If, is a very heavy word", 所有错过的"如果", 偶尔想想就好, 如果, 真的再一次处于那样的境地, 我可能还会做同样的选择, 所以, 谈不上后悔, 只是畅想一下其他的可能性而已.

现在的办公室离Dave的办公室不远, 所以我们经常一起吃午饭, 或者下班后喝咖啡. Dave的状况还是很糟, 为了省钱, 搬到他朋友家的basement, 虽然租金便宜很多, 但他的收入并未增加. 市场萧条, recruiting很难做, 他那样乐观的人有时侯都会depressed, 我们的角色完全调换, 以前总是他在安慰我, 现在轮到我来安慰他. Dave said he had learned the lesson, I am not sure, he is a very generous guy, spent a lot when he had money, I dont think he would change once his situation getting better. We are the exactly same type of persons, that is why we can be so close to each other, so I know there is something deep inside which would never change, like the attitude to money or life, we are the type of persons who living for the moment, not planners. I cant say which way is better, plan everything ahead, live your life with strong self-discipline, never let your urge go over you, or go with the flow, do whatever you wanna do to enjoy every moment of your life as you could, make sure you are satisfied all the time... There are many choices in life, take your choice, and dont regret, that is the only point which actually matters.

关于爱情, 也是一样, 态度问题, --"谈恋爱就象打麻将，不认真没乐趣，太认真易伤心, 培养点游戏精神". F同学总是说, 如果不考虑将来, 那为什么要约会; 我说, you can try to enjoy the moment, and there are always possibilities for the future coming along. Its very nice to have some future pictures with someone special, but nobody can guarantee the future, why get bothered by something not in your hands yet? Honestly, I dont really believe anything coulod last forever, and monogamy is not the best way to match human nature, so, when people say "I love you", you better realize there are different grades of love behind it. For example, my parents say they love me, I think they mean they love me for their whole lives, and they would do anything for me, I totally believe that, cos I love them exactly the same way. And when Kevin says he loves me, I think what he means is that he is very happy to be with me, nothing more than that, at least I dont tend to read more than that, and I return the same affection with my "I love you" line.

Its kinda depressing to be too rational and logical, isnt it?