People say, "when you think its bad enough, it could be worse right away." Its damn right!

Let's start from Wed... A whole day video lecture for diving, and I was so annoyed by Ryan, he just kept talking and talking, of course not to me, cos we didnt like each other, and we both knew that, so we just kept quiet to each other. The diving instructor Jeff, american, have to mention here, Jeff is a really really nice guy, very patient, hilarious and sweet. Actually it seems all guys around are quite nice, except the stupid bastard, u know who i am talking about. After the lecture, Ryan rent a scooter, but he had never driven one, so i was worried, reasonable right? He complained that I didnt trust him, oh hell no, why did i have to trust an idiot like him? Later i was trying to get on the scooter, and give a try to trust him, cos there wasnt another choice, he turned around, almost fell to the corner, and I got scratches on my legs. Then guess what? He said that was my fault, cos i held him too tightly! Can you guys believe that??? i was so pissed off, never met somebody so clueless like this, I thought my ex bf was a big asshole before, after I knew Ryan, damn, my ex could be a perfect gentleman except the lying part. And ladies, that wasnt the worst part yet, after dinner, he wanted to go to a stripper club, and told me to walk back to hotel by myself! I hate him, hate every piece of him!

Thursday, it might be one of the worst days in my life, but it had nothing to do with Ryan. I got problem on diving, its very frustrating. Its a pool lecture, Jeff with 3 students, Ryan, Getcha, a lady from Austria, and me. At the beginning, everything was cool, I got all equipment on, quite heavy though, and my mask, BCD, getting into the pool slowly, and trying to breath slowly and continuously underwater, it did go well. Later lunch break, then got back to the pool, right the moment, I got the problem. All of a sudden, I felt I couldnt breathe with the regulator, the air wasnt enough, I went up right away, scared, and shaking. Jeff was so nice, cos i was kinda panic, kept holding him very tightly, he almost supporting all my weight with equipment. He checked my regulator, said nothing wrong with it, it working, I felt the air wasnt enough, thats cos i got panic, then breathing too quickly. Later I was trying again and again, but just kept choking, and felt exhausted to deal with all heavy equipment. I was very frustrated, cos i knew I wasnt able to do that in open water, things would get worse in ocean, and I couldnt go up right away, or it would hurt my ears badly cos of the pressure. Feeling like a big loser, then had no mood to fight with Ryan, plus he was quiet too. After diving lecture, went to a high-class spa, it was great, but I still quite down cos of the big failure on diving. Ryan came to pick me up at spa by that ridiculous scooter, we went back to hotel, quiet all along. I couldnt sleep, miss tokyo so much, and De too. I threw a pillow on Ryan, he was on the other bed, I felt down, I needed to do something or talk with somebody, even a fight would help a little.

"What?"

"I dont like you, I dont like any piece of you, you are the worst one i ever knew in person."

Ryan quiet for a while, I was waiting for him getting upset, "just cos I didnt do things in your ways?"

This time I had nothing to say, why i dislike him that much? Cos he didnt take care of me like what De usually does? So why he has to take care of me? ...Maybe he is right, I am spoiled, by De, De always spoils me like a baby, holding bags for me while i am shopping around, accompanying me anytime when i want... I never realized this before, how nice De is to me, he must really like me a lot. "I miss somebody." I broke the silence.

"Who?"

"A guy, who really nice to me."

"You are spoiled, childish, and uptight."

"Whatever, my guy likes who I am. are u missing somebody too?"

"used to. used to have a lot fears."

"like what?"

"like, fear to being alone...but now, I have no fears."

I thought he was lying, he still fears to be alone deep inside, and lots of fears still there. If a guy said he had no fears, that just means he has some really big fear, but unconsciously. I had very sharp 6th sense, but didnt want to argue on that issue with Ryan, after all, he had fear or not, none of my business.

Friday, on the boat, but i wasnt able to dive in open water. It didnt mean I would give up on diving, just I need a little more time, and a slow one-on-one class, Jeff agreed on this too, he said "sweetie, you can do that, just need more time, people are different, not everyone feels so comfortable to be underwater right away." Still, quite frustrated, but I had to cheer myself up, and enjoy my vacation, couldnt let this failure and a horrible company ruin it. I decided to change my plan, instead of staying on the boat for the night, I came back to hotel alone. Well, without Ryan and his stupid scooter, i am still able to do things by myself, there is something called TAXI, or at least, I can walk. I gonna enjoy tomorrow slowly by relaxing at the pool or the beach, reading, to get a thai massage, or to go to another high-class spa... The shallow bastard not around, everything would be great, by the way, i used his t-shirt to wipe my feet dry, felt good.