争取每周写一小篇

Upon reading Carpediem’s essay on how his marriage took away his loneliness, I thought I could write something down from a woman’s perspective, in particular about what changes my marriage has brought me,  to PK with Carpediem(haha), and to commemorate my fifth wedding anniversary as well. Here we go:

Yesterday we went to a party in a big mansion, which was rented for six weeks by two of my husband’s classmates in the summer seminar at USC. The mansion, boasting a 7,000-square-foot living space and a grotto in the backyard, is by far the largest and most luxurious house I have ever been to. Besides, it is in a prime central LA location. I was consumed by envy when I first set my eyes on the mansion. On the way home, we drove by USC and saw my old neighborhood. There has not been much change around campus since I left five years ago. However, comparing with myself five years ago, I am now a changed person. After reflecting on these changes, I don't covet what I don't have, but feel grateful for what I do have. Therefore, I let go of my envy.

On worldly issues, my marriage put me on a fast track to getting a green card, becoming a citizen and buying a house. Our household size doubled in the last three years. I could no longer just copy my tax return form from the previous year as the family kept expanding. But more importantly, my habits and behavior have changed:

I no longer watch “Desperate Housewives”; I've become one, only less desperate, and less glamorous.

I no longer mouth along Annie Lennox’s “No more I love you's”; I sing along and try to videotape my daughter’s version of “I love you, you love me, we are a happy family”.

I no longer play online poker; I try hard to stop my son from putting poker chips into his mouth.

I no longer scream “TGIF”, relishing the prospect of a weekend; I dread it and shout “TGIM” when it’s over.

I no longer feel homesick; I have a place that I can call home,though working from home sometimes makes me sick of home.

Do I regret these changes? Do I want to go back to five years ago? Not in a million years. Not even if you give me a 7000-square-foot mansion! Because:

I no longer wonder what unconditional love is; I am giving it.