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从父母角度看孩子的婚姻
虽然现在有各种流派，说婚姻是选择项，人可以一个人（或者加一只猫）也过得很好，我还是觉得一个人有一个家庭自己可以为之投入，有自己的孩子可以看着长大，超过自己，是美妙的不应该错过的人生经历。
人不管自己在外表多么好强独立，都有孤单虚弱需要亲情需要陪伴的时候。有亲情有陪伴的关系，从中获得只是一半，还有付出的一半。人从这样的关系获得的是两面的。
我给你们讲一个孤独的时刻。那时候书还没念完，有一天工作结束很晚了走出来，天是那样的黑，夜是那样的静，在寒夜澄清的高空之上，有一架客机飞过，两个翅膀上一红一绿的灯，和一排舷窗里透出的暖色的灯光，都看得清清楚楚。我能想象到飞机上坐得满满的人正在温暖的机舱里，他们不会想到黑暗中地面上我一个人孤零零地站在空地上看着他们。他们过一会就到家了吧。
那个瞬间感到的孤独，比寒风更渗透骨髓。在这个时候，自然地希望有一个家，一个在寒夜里惦记着有自己亲人在那里候着你往回奔的家。
现在的社会环境，过于强调自我，忽视了让步和调和，结果是人对男女关系的渴望被这个关系带来的烦恼畏惧所遏制。我对此没有解决办法，因为是社会性的。所能希望的只是我的孩子们能有好运气碰上不是太自我的，懂得付出的人。
正常父母都希望单身子女结婚，也都希望结了婚的子女尽早给他们带来孙辈。这是几百万年自然选择的结果。那些对子女的后代无所谓的基因都因为没有后代而早被淘汰了，没有承传下来。
thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I have similar considerations and try to find some solutions. I will probably elaborate more on this when I get more mature ideas.
I decided I need to build a social network for myself before I get too old to get out of my house. This has never occurred to me before in my 30 s and 40 s. I was busy building my relationship and raising children. Now I realized it shouldn't be that way, I need to extend my friend circle for old ages.
Where to find like minded people? Not in churches but in the synagogue where I found whom I'd like to be with. It's a community nearby and it's a very small community where people come and go. Luckily I found a nice young woman there, who wants to befriend me. What a success! On top of my conversion, I scored friendship and kindred spirit! I love Jews. It's a small minority just like what I am, in the sea of blacks and conservative Christians in the Southeast. I've tried different groups of people, this is the right match for me. Blacks? Whites? Christians? No. Often I find them either unfriendly and guarded or biased against others, especially the local blacks. By working in a school of majority black staff for a few months, I learned it'd never work out for me. Actually the experience was terrible. No offense to anyone, those people's manners are not for me. Their culture is not for me.
我们最重要的是不介入。