Gift giving is an art. I am never good at it. But I know a person she was an expert in giving gifts. When I worked in a large corporate company, a colleague of mine gave gifts to almost everyone. In the United States, we exchange gifts during holidays in company parties only. But this colleague carried on her Taiwanese tradition that she gave gifts to her bosses and to those useful colleagues. She even gave gifts to her daughter's school teachers and told me that it was absolutely necessary because those teachers would look after her daughter and paid more attention to her daughter's learning progress. She said she learned this from her mother whom was a school teacher in Taiwan for decades. All those students’ parents who gave her mother gifts, she actually could still remember those kids' names; and thus, she naturally did pay more attention to their learning.

That is Taiwan though. I wonder if that tactic will work in the States? Is this the American way of doing things too? Somehow, to me, maybe her way of gift giving becomes a bribery. Bribery is a norm in Chinese society. I never do that. Was I not doing the right things to my son’s learning? My son does well at school without me giving gifts; but maybe I should have, maybe my son could have been accepted by one of those Ivy League colleges. Who knows?

Anyhow, on Mother's Day I received 2 gifts, one from my son and one from my mother-in-law. Yes, from my mother-in-law! How sweet! On Mother's Day, I baked rhubarb bread and brought it to my in-law's home; she happily took the still hot bread and put in on the counter. Then she pointed to a pot of red orchid and said, "Here is a gift for you.” Wow, surprise! I told her that we should have bought her flowers instead... Our gift to her is just an insignificant homemade rhubarb bread.

For all these years, I have felt so seriously retarded of what and when to give gifts. All these years I have headache during Holiday Seasons. I am stressed over what to give and to give back a gift after we received one. Troublesome I say to myself. So much shopping involved and that to me is quite unnecessary and wasteful. I might be misunderstood and hated by my relatives and friends so much because of that. I know in today's society it is a custom to gift giving. One time at our relatives' family Christmas party one of our relative screamed out loud about a gift that was insincere (无诚意的) to her standard; she said that the giver was disrespectful. Sad!! I must have been screamed at a million times because I might have given them insignificant gifts :-(

What do I do to teach my son about the art of giving gifts? Thanks god that he has learned from other folks, not from me. He is so much more savvy than me. He is more welcome in this society than me.

- Photo by Miaomiao Mia. © 2010 Miaomiao Mia. All Rights Reserved.

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