guess I am just a normal person after all. Fighting, now even not fighting with my desire, lust. Wishing, in a way that gives up my own power in fighting for a future. This is exactly what I was told by the Buddha to not do. However, I guess when the desire is so strong, I cannot control myself. I cannot stop and think. I don't see the right way that will lead to what I need. Therefore, I feel helpless, weak. I hope because I can only hope. Myabe that's why desires are bad. They are bad when we cannot satisfy them.