老公回家后，我们问孩子情况，她不肯说，坚持说都忘了。我们解释这是帮助她，争执不是丢脸的事。她担心如果同学知道了，就都不理她了。我说如果同学知道她被unfairly treated, 他们应该支持她，而不是疏远。她说她的问题在最后被回答了。我很惊讶，因为我没有看见。老公说我做得太仓促，这下他们会有完全的理由说没有歧视，因为回答她问题了。

这时老师给我单独来了封信：

I am so sorry that you feel this way.  I know XX was being very respectful and a wonderful representation of a XX student today.  I feel badly that she did not have a positive experience.  

I wanted to let you know that as the snake was brought out, XX did get a chance to ask her question right before we transitioned to the new activity.  You can double-check with her, but I believe her question was regarding the scientific name of the snake (commenting if it was "Orangish Reptilia" or something along those lines).  The staff member said that she could find the actual scientific name on the plaque next to the snake's container/aquarium.  This happened as students were getting a chance to pet the snake, so there was a lot happening all at once.

Once again, I deeply apologize for your concerns. XX is fortunate to have a parent who cares so deeply.  I greatly appreciate that you took the time to come and help today, and I hope you come to volunteer again in the future.

在被动的情况下，老公写了一封信。如果说我的是炸弹，他的就是导弹了：

Dear Mr. XX,  

First, thank you very much for your quick email response.

However, after checking with my wife and my daughter about the whole procedure for the incident, I feel that it is too hasty to draw the conclusion now that “The implication that we would not call on your daughter because of her skin color is incorrect.”

Here is the information I have obtained from my wife and my daughter (Please correct me if any part of the information is not accurate.):

省去重复细节加补充孩子提供的情节，并更正孩子问题被回答。

他把情况类比到大学教室。

。。。 there are minority students and it is a common case that multiple students want to ask questions at the same time. However, I cannot imagine such scenario will happen in a classroom:

The only black student among 18 students raised his hand and wanted to ask a question, the instructor kept ignoring him, called other students, and answered their questions. Some of those students raised their hands after the black student raised his hand, and some students were called twice. The instructor never looked at the black student, and the black student kept raising his hand and hoped that the instructor will allow him to ask the question. Such situation lasted a long time and everybody noticed that the black student wanted to ask a question except the instructor.     

When no any other student had a question to ask and some students started to leave the classroom, the staff called the black student finally and answered his question.

If such incident does happen, I am quite sure how the black student will think about the instructor: “he did not call me because of…”

For sure both my wife and me are willing to meet you to talk further about this incident. In order to help us understand the incident better and get more third-party opinions, I suggest to add more people into the meeting. Everyone in the mail list should be invited to attend the meeting. If necessary, we can also invite humanity professors at XX university to attend the meeting and get professional advice from them. As a scientist and researcher, I believe that open discussion is the best way to help us approach the truth and draw correct conclusions.

Thank you for your time to read my email and I am looking forward to hearing from you about our meeting soon.