Chapter 57

The public security workers came to the Zhang’s house ten days ago, and announced that Tang must go to the public security office to tell all about her activities in the Christianity Association before the New Year’s Day (1952). The person responsible, named Comrade Zhong, said to Zhang Yunxuan with a smile:

“The provincial leadership gives you a period of 20 days, considering you’re a general taking the uprising.”

Then, he turned to Tang, saying, “Just tell us your activities in the Christianity Association. It won’t be so troublesome.”

Tang replied with a smile, “I’d like to give my thanks to the government. I’ll consider your demand.”

Everybody present felt relieved at this word. Yet, after Comrade Zhong had left, Tang got quiet again. Shadows were cast over the Zhang’s again.

Zhang was a man with a special personality. He was not a faithful disciple of the Kuomintang, nor did he believe in Communism. His concern was with national interests. In his eyes, any party who could make China prosperous would be regarded as a great one. His wife was devout to God, but this did not mean that she was a reactionary, nor did she support the Americans in bullying the Chinese.

The government paid too much attention to ideology and neglected the Chinese reality. Was religious faith an act against the Communists? Zhang declined to work for the government because he wanted to make the leaders reconsider his family. Zhang did hope that his wife could put her faith aside for the time being and tide over the hardships

The deadline was drawing near. Tang’s quietness upset the family. With Zhang and Yang’s encouragement, Zhang Yan got his mother out of the bedroom. He asked his mom to sit down on a chair and then sat on her legs. He put her hands on his face.

Tang hugged her son and sang hymns to Lord. She stared at the sky. She got thinner and thinner.

Tang did not hate anyone else, but she was annoyed with her husband’s lack of understandings.

She felt that they should take good care of each other. When Zhang was in the army, she was worried about his safety. Later she joined Christianity, and her husband, then a military officer, asked, “You look good. Do you have some nice medicine?”

She replied at once at that time, “Yes. God saves me. Do you know I have become a Christian?”

Zhang remarked, “Good. Faith is better than non-faith. You can have a full life.”

Ever since then, her husband had been supporting her in doing charity work. She felt that his kindness had helped him get out of trouble.

But now, the anti-imperialists campaign was going on, and religious acts were forbidden. People even had to tell some lies about the evils of the Christianity Association. Tang thought it a blasphemy against God.

Tang was upset that her husband did not support her at this time. He had been supporting her in the past years. He asked her to go to the public security office. Was it fair? Tang thought women should have their integrity. She deemed prayer to God as the only choice for the time being.

Tang hoped her husband could be kind to her though he did not believe in God. She was sad that he looked at her like the other common people. She felt her dignity was lost in this way.

With this thought, she began to sing her favorite hymn:

Lord, here I am.

I pray to you for help.

I am devoted to you,

and willing to do as you require.

I can’t leave you.

I belong to you.

In Lord’s eyes, contempt and hate were evil. Tang did not hate anyone else. She thought the fault was not her husband’s. He was not a Christian. He had to make a balance between the government and family. It was hard for him.

Tang patted lightly on her son’s face. He smelled nice. She was sorry for having not taking good care of him. Tang believed in God, and had little time staying with her son.

Tang looked up, and seemed to find God, who told her, “Everything could be abandoned for your faith.” Tang got better at this thought. She thought this was God’s test to her. She prayed in her heart, “Dear Lord, please show me the way.”

Yang and Zhang saw tears rolling down Tang’s cheeks. Zhang was sad, so was Yang. Yang said to Tang:

“Dear sister-in-law, please take everything easy. Just tell me what I can do for you.”

Yang’s words moved Tang. She was glad that kindness and care did exist in this world. Christmas was drawing near. Maybe she should do something in praise of God. She thought Yang manly.

Tang’s tears dropped onto her son’s face. Zhang Yan jumped off her legs and moved his mom’s arms, asking, “Why are you crying, Mom? Did anyone mistreat you?”

Tang heard her son’s cries, and realized she had betrayed her feelings. She wiped her tears, replying, “Dear son, nobody mistreated me.”

Zhang Yan said, “You must have been mistreated. You haven’s spoken to Daddy tonight. Why?” He kept crying.

Tang hugged her son, saying, “Please don’t cry, dear son. I cry because I am happy.” Tears rolled down her cheeks again.

“Look, Daddy and Uncle Yang, Mom is crying.”

Zhang felt sad. He was aware that his wife was disappointed at him. He should not have hinted at her to change her faith. That was against her will and would hurt the family. He realized that he had even acted worse than Yang on this issue. Thus, Zhang said sincerely:

“Dear wife, we have been married for 16 years. I am sorry that I have not understood you. Please forgive me. Just tell me what I can do for you.”

Tang shook her head sadly.

“Dear sister-in-law, please tell us your idea.”

“Dear mom, please tell us your idea. If daddy can’t do, uncle could do it.”

Tang was glad that her husband’s care came back. She looked up and seemed to say:

“This Christmas I will praise God.”

Zhang and Yang had not expected Tang would think this way. If she organized a party like this, that would bring a disaster to her and the family.

“What do you think of that, honey?”

Zhang knew his wife was bold enough to face the reality. It seemed that faith outweighed everything else in her heart. It was only 8 days before Christmas, and 14 days before she had to go to the public security office. Zhang realized that his wife would not go there by herself.

But he had promised to her. Could he break his word? He noticed his wife’s anxious gaze. Zhang realized that his refusal might upset and ruin her. Zhang felt that he was weak facing the reality. He must practice his promise, anyway. Thus, he stared at his wife with love. He was determined to help her regardless of the adversity. He said:

“Honey, please do as you wish for Christmas.”

Then, he turned back and tears welled up his eyes.

Tang smiled tenderly, and said to Yang, “Dear brother, can you help me with Christmas activities?”

Yang was moved at this. He wiped his tears and replied joyfully, “Sure.”

Zhang Yan got out of his mom’s arms, and jumped up a stone table, saying, “Christmas is drawing near. I’ll invite my friends such as Fang Yu and Yan Yuan to come here. I’ll treat them to nice cakes and ice cream. I’ll also give them nice candy. Long live Chairman Mao!”

Tang patted on Zhang, who was heartbroken but looked calm, and murmured with a smile, “Look at our son! He is so happy!”