It really depends on personal values and priorities (remember that a lot of people do not even have the luxury to choose or change job freely).

I wouldn’t mind sharing with you my decision tree while considering a job change. (I may add more since it is put together in such haste.)

1.The bottom-line is that I will need to make a living to support my family simply because I’m responsible person. So I will never (& had never) quit a job because how tough a situation may seem and before landing the next one.

2.The quality of my personal life is the second on my list. This may include convenient location, flexible working hour, stability and benefit, etc.

3.The quality of my time at work is the next. This includes the pleasant and respectful relationship, manageability of workload, travel, etc.

4.The next is the opportunity for professional growth. It’s important for me to feel that each year I’m gaining valuable knowledge and experiences that in turn build my confidence and marketability in the field (By this I meant both so called ‘soft’ and ‘hard’ skills). It gives me a sense of personal enrichment, breaking barrier and achievement.

Other than these, I will not make a decision on job changes simply based on what kind of person my boss is. I work for my position not necessarily for individuals, so their personal quality and style have less an impact on my mood and judgement. I’m a hopelessly optimistic person and tend to see good things in people and circumstances so I feel good and benefit from them. I had bosses who were unreasonable at times but I managed to cope with the situation and outlived them in the end. There is stubbornness in me that wouldn’t allow me to quit but force me to survive and overcome. Looking back I think I gained my strength and management skills especially from these difficult circumstances.

I have two thoughts in reading your post. First, you may consider your goal of observing and understanding your boss is to adapt yourself to her style in order to succeed in your position. In another word, your goal is not to make a friend with your boss.

Second, I see you have a strong logic in making friends with your boss. This I would disagree. Maybe the word ‘friendship’ in general is blurring to me that I often feel more clear and settled in something like ‘courteous’, ‘respectful’, ‘ getting along well’, etc. I personally do not believe the friendship between a boss and his or her subordinates. To me, ‘只能很professional的相处’ is all I would hope for.

A ‘boss’ has his or her boss higher up to report to and will need all the support one can get to deliver. He or she is not here to make friends with anyone, but to only find and keep those people who are tested, reliable and who can help him or her to deliver. While you may as well use the word ‘自己人’ to describe these people. Along the same line, it may indicate that your boss has not yet felt you are one of these people she can rely on to fulfill her duty or maybe you alone is just not enough to her.

I also believe that it is not a healthy thing to do to ‘什莫事都可和她讲(像朋友)’ and ‘和老板亲密’。 One should not forget that a boss is a boss and you may be judged by what you say someday.

That would be my two cents. I sense you are an intelligent and capable person and do hope you see a different perspective.