1 最佳兴奋剂

A patient said to his doctor, "Doc, please give me something that will stimulate me, excite me, and put me in a, very, very highly stimulated spirit, a fighting, excited spirit."

So the doctor said, "Don't worry, take this, and after you see the bill, you will have all these feelings."

病人跟医生说：“医生，请给我一些可以振奋、刺激、充满斗志的药。”

医生说：“别担心，这个拿去，看到这张帐单以后，你要的这些就都会有了。”

2 罗马是什么时候建成的?

Teacher: When was Rome built?

Tom: At night.

Teacher: Who told you that?

Tom: You did. You said Rome wasn't built in a day.

教师：罗马是什么时候建成的?

汤姆：夜里。

教师：谁跟你这么说的?

汤姆：是您。您说过罗马不是在一个白天建成的。

3 射击不行

Peter joined the army when he was eighteen, and for several months he was taught how to be a good soldier. He did quite well in everything except shooting.

One day he and his friends were practicing their shooting, and all of them were doing quite well except Peter. After he had shot at the target nine times and had not hit it once, the officer who was trying to teach the young soldiers to shoot said, “You're quite hopeless, Peter! Don't waste your last bullet too! Go behind that wall and shoot yourself with it!”

Peter felt ashamed. He went behind the wall, and a few seconds later the officer and the other young soldiers heard a shot.

Heavens! The officer said. “Has that silly man really shot himself?”

He ran behind the wall anxiously, but Peter was all right. “I'm sorry, sir, ”he said, “but I missed again.”

彼得十八岁那年参了军，他需要参加几个月的学习以成为一名好士兵。彼得在其他方面都做得很好，但是射击不行。

一天他和伙伴们练习射击，除了彼得其他人都没有问题。他射了九次，一次也没有命中目标。这时，教新兵射击的教官说：“彼得，你看来是没希望了，不要连最后一发子弹都浪费掉!去那堵墙后面用它向自己打一枪吧。”

彼得感到非常惭愧。他走到那堵墙后面。几秒钟后，教官和新兵们听到一声枪响。

“上帝!”教官叫起来，“难道那个笨蛋真的朝自己开枪了?”

他急忙跑到那堵墙后面，发现彼得安然无恙。“对不起，长官，”他说，“我还是没有命中。”

4 爸爸昨天很忙

One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right. The teacher was very pleased and rather surprised. He called Tim to his desk and said to him, "You got all your homework right this time, Tim. What happened? Did your father help you?"

"No, sir. He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all myself," said Tim.

一天，蒂姆的数学老师看了他的作业，发现他全做对了。老师很高兴，同时也十分惊讶。他把蒂姆叫到桌前说：“蒂姆，你这次的作业全都做对了，怎么回事?你爸爸帮你做了吗?”

“不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。”

5 聪明的马

There was a farmer who fell and broke his hip while he was plowing, and his horse immediately galloped five miles to the nearest town and returned, carrying a doctor on his back.

"That’s a pretty smart horse," the farmer’s friend later observed.

"Well, he’s not really so smart," the farmer said. "The doctor he brought back was a veterinarian!"

一位农夫在犁田时，不慎跌倒摔伤了髋关节，他的马立即飞奔到五英里外最近的小镇，载了一位医生回来。

一个农夫的朋友看到后便夸赞说：“你这匹马真是聪明!”

农夫说：“也没有你想的那么聪明啦!它带来的是一位兽医!”

6 一天洗三次澡

Brown: I'm sorry to see you so unwell. Have you seen the doctor?

Jack: Yes. I'm having three baths a day.

Brown: What for?

Jack: Don't know, doctor's orders. He gave me some medicine and told me to follow the directions on the bottle, which read:" One tablespoonful to be taken three times a day in water."

布朗：看到你身体这样不好真让人难过。你去看医生了吗?

杰克：看过了，我现在一天洗三次澡。

布朗：为什么?

杰克：我也不知道，这是医生的嘱咐。他给了我一些药并告诉我要按照药瓶上的说明去做。说明上面写着“一天三次在水中服一汤匙。”