1 美国梦/American Dream

An American attorney had just finished a guest lecture at a law school in Italy when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked. "Is it true that a person can fall down on a sidewalk in your country and then sue the landowners for lots of money?"

Told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his partners and started speaking rapidly in Italian. When they stopped, the American attorney asked if they wanted to go to America to practice law.

"No, no." one replied. "We want to go to America and fall down on sidewalks."

一位美国律师刚结束他在意大利一所法律学校的客座演讲，就有一位意大利律师走近他问：“听说在你们国家里，一个人跌倒在人行道上，他就会起诉这块地的所有者赔偿很多钱，这是真的吗?”

得知这是真的后，意大利律师转向他的同行开始用意大利语快速谈论起来。当他们停下来后，美国律师问他们是否想去美国做法律工作。

“不，不，”有一个人回答说，“我们要去美国跌倒在人行道上。”

2 商人的主意/A Businessman's Idea

A family moved from the city to the suburbs, and were told they ought to get a watchdog to guard their house.

So they bought the largest dog available from a near-by dealer.

Shortly afterwards the house was broken into at night by burglars while the dog was asleep. The householder went to the dealer and told him about it.

"Well, what you need now," said the dealer, "is a little dog to wake up the dog."

一户人家从城里搬到郊区，有人告诉他们应该买一条看门狗来守家。

于是他们就去附近的一个商人那里买了一条可以买到的最大的狗。

不久之后，夜贼闯进他们家时那条狗却一直在睡觉。这家的主人去找那个商人告诉他这件事。

“那么，”商人说，“你们现在还需要一条小狗来叫醒这条狗。”

3 高尔夫球手/Golfer

Once there was a golfer whose ball landed on an anthill.

Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything moved but the golf ball. It sat on the same spot.

So he tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand ants went flying again. The golf ball didn't even wiggle.

Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other. "Whoa! What are we going to do?"

Said the other ant, "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball."

从前有个高尔夫球手，他把球打到了一座蚁丘上。

他没有移动球的位置，而是决定就地击球。于是他使劲一挥球杆，尘土和着蚂蚁，四处飞扬。所有的东西都动了，除了那只球，它呆在原地，一动没动。

于是，他准备再次出击。又是一阵尘土飞扬，蚂蚁们也再次跟着遭殃。而高尔夫球还是纹丝不动。

两只蚂蚁幸免于难，一只晕晕乎乎地对另一只说：“哇，我们怎么办啊?”

另一只蚂蚁说：“我不知道你怎么想，但是我准备爬到那只球上去。”

4 不要和小孩争论/Don't Argue with Children

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that a whale swallowed Jonah.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

一个小女孩和她的老师正在谈论有关鲸鱼的事情。

她的老师说：“一头鲸鱼从身体构造的角度看，是不可能吞掉一个人的。因为尽管鲸鱼是一种非常巨大的哺乳动物，可它的嗓子非常小。”

那个小女孩说约拿(一位西伯来先知)就是被鲸鱼吞掉的。

她的老师非常生气，她再次告诉小女孩说：“从身体构造角度来讲，鲸鱼是不可能吞掉一个人的。”

那个小女孩说：“那等我到了天堂，就去问问约拿。”

她的老师问：“那么，假如约拿下了地狱怎么办?”

那个小女孩回答：“如果是那样的话，你就去问他。”

5 从未被抓到

An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No."

The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"

The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."

申请人正在填写求职申请。 当他答到这个问题，“你被逮捕过吗？” 他写道，“没有。”

下一个问题，针对曾经回答上一个问题为肯定的人，是“为什么？”

申请人回答说：“从来没有被抓到。”

6 狗听不懂的曲子

A little boy was practicing his violin, while his father sat reading the newspaper. The family dog began to howl along dismally. Finally, the father could endure the combination no more and said, "Can't you play something the dog doesn't know?"

一个小男孩在练习小提琴，他的父亲在读报纸。随着小男孩的琴声，家里养的狗也开始高一声低一声的叫起来。最后，小男孩的父亲对这种组合实在忍不下去了，说，“难道你就不能拉一些狗听不懂的曲子吗?”