1 直言不讳/Plainspoken

My husband bought me an automatic dishwasher for my birthday. In filling out the guarantee, he came across the question, “What year and model dishwasher did you're replace?" He wrote: "Wife—Age 24".

我丈夫为我的生日给我买了台自动洗碗机。在填写保修单时，他遇到这个问题:“你替换的洗碗机的生产的年和型号是什么?”我丈夫写道:“妻子—24岁”。

2 跑道已清/The runways are clear

An airline ticket agent was being given a particularly rough time by a woman who complained about the departure times. She said, “Young man, I could stick a feather in my ear and get there faster. "

"Madam," replied the agent calmly, "the runways are clear."

一位机票代理在一名妇女向他抱怨飞机起飞时间时感到特别难受。那位妇女说:“年轻人，我耳朵上贴个羽毛，都会比你们的飞机先到那儿。”

“夫人, ”售票员平静地说:“飞机跑道正空着呢。”

3 一报还一报/Tit for Tat

An acquaintance of mine stopped at a local tavern after work and spent the evening there. When he arrived home around ten o'clock, his wife was sitting at the kitchen table, waiting. Instead of questioning or scolding him, however, she simply asked pleasantly if he wanted dinner. He was not interested in eating, and went off to bed.

At 3:30 am,  the alarm went off. He scrambled out of bed and turned on the light. When he saw the time, he roared at his wife, demanding an explanation.

"Well," she replied placidly, "if it took you four hours to get home from work, I figured it would take you four hours to get back to work, and I didn't want you to be late. "

我的一个熟人在一次下班后，去了一个当地的小酒馆，在那儿他消磨了一个晚上。当他十点左右到家时，他的妻子正坐在厨房的桌旁等他。她没有追问也没有责备他，只是愉快地问他想不想吃晚餐。他已经对吃不感兴趣了，于是就上床睡觉了。

凌晨3:30，闹钟响了。他急忙下床，打开了灯。当他看清了时间时，他冲妻子大声吼叫要求解释。

“好啊，”妻子平静地说:“我想，假如你下班回家路上花了四个小时的话，你上班当然也需要花四个小时赶路了。我不想让你迟到。”

4 我对她不了解/I don't know her well

As a courier for an express delivery service, I tried to deliver a package that required refrigeration, but found no one home. I went to the house next door and told the woman who answered that I had a package for her neighbor." Oh, she works Monday through Friday and every other Saturday, "said the woman, "and some Sundays.  She leaves about 7:40 in the morning and gets home around 5:30，unless she goes to the store, in which case it's closer to seven.  And she's going to the store tonight because her kids are coming to visit her all the way from California!"

When she paused to take a breath, I asked if she would accept her neighbor's package. "Oh, no, I can't do that, "she said. "I don't know her that well. "

作为一名快件邮递员，我曾一次送一个需冷冻的包裹。但没人在家。我便敲开了邻居的门，告诉开门的妇女我有一个她邻居的包裹。“噢，她从星期一到星期五和隔周的星期六工作。”那位女邻居说。“有时她星期天也工作。她每天早上7:40离家，下午5:30左右回来。除非她要去商店，那样接近7:00她才能回来。今天晚上她要去商店，因为她的孩子将特地从加利福尼亚来看她。”

她停下喘气的工夫，我问她能否替邻居先把这包裹收下。“哦，不行，我可不能收。”她说:“我对她不怎么了解。”

5 永远是驾驶员!/Be a driver

Our oldest son, Willy, a helicopter pilot stationed at Fort Rucker, Alaska, lives and breathes flying.  When he called to say he'd be driving home for Christmas, a 16-hour trip, we were surprised. "Why don’t you fly home?" my wife asked.

"Because," Willy replied, "I hate riding in the back! "

我的大儿子威利，是阿拉斯加州拉克堡的一名直升飞机驾驶员，生活、呼吸在飞行中。当他打电话说他要驾车回家过圣诞节，一个16个小时的旅途时，我们非常惊讶。“你为什么不坐飞机回来呢?”我妻子问。

“因为，”威利说: “我讨厌坐在后面。”

6 不同职责/Different duty

I was taking my mother for a drive, and she' d scold me whenever I went over the speed limit. Unfortunately, I dismissed her advice, and a state trooper pulled me over and issued a ticket.

As my mother and I continued on our way, I complained that he should have let me off with a warning. "Joan," she said, "I gave you the warning. He gave you the ticket. "

我开车带着我妈，每次我开快车超速时，母亲都责怪我。不幸的是，我对她的忠告不屑一顾，一位州警叫我停了车，并给了我张罚单。 

当我和母亲继续赶路时，我抱怨那州警不应罚我，应给我个警告。“琼，”妈妈说:“我给了你警告，他给了你罚单。”