1 为什么学医?/ Why Study Medicine?

A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.

The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don’t even make that much as a doctor!" The plumber waited for him to finish and quietly said, "Neither did I when I was a doctor.”

一位医生家的一个水管子破裂，他给一个水管工打了电话。水管工到后，打开他的工具，干了一会儿神秘的水管工的活，然后就递给了医生一张600美元的帐单。

医生惊呼:“这太可笑了，我做医生也没挣这么多钱啊!”水管工等他说完，轻声说:“我当医生的时候也没挣这么多钱。”

2 如果我先死了怎么办/If I Die Before You

A couple who have been married for 20 years is preparing for bed when the following conversation takes place. . .

She: "Honey, if I die before you, would you remarry?"

He: "That's a morbid question!”

She: "No, I really want to know.”

He (pauses to think): "Yes, I suppose after a decent amount of time I might Remarry.”

She: "Would she live in our house?"

He: "Well, the mortgage is almost paid off, would you really expect me to move?"

She: "Would she wear my mink coat?"

He: "You know I paid 3500 for that coat, would you really want me to sell it for a loss?"

She: "Well, would she drive my BMW?"

He: "No. Absolutely not. She doesn’t know how to drive a stick shift!”

一对已经结婚20年的夫妇正准备睡觉时有了下面这段对话:

妻子:亲爱的，如果我死在你前面了，你会再婚吗?

丈夫:这是个病态的问题。

妻子:不，可我真的想知道!

丈夫(停下想了想):是的，我想在你死了相当长一段时间后，我也许会再婚的。

妻子:那她会住我们的房子吗?

丈夫:房贷几乎还清了，你真的希望我搬家吗?

妻子:那她会穿我的貂皮大衣吗?

丈夫:你知道我花了3500美元买的那件大衣，你真的想让我把它贱卖了吗?

妻子:那她会开我的宝马吗?

丈夫:不，决不会，她不会开手动档的车。

3 通用手势/Universal sign

After driving up and down several lanes, I finally found a parking spot at the shopping mall. I noticed another man driving very slowly in the same direction, and, since he was close, I gave him the "Are you going to park there?" look. His responding gestures were very complicated. First he shook his head. Next he pointed at me, then at the parking space and then at himself, his watch and the mall. Finishing off, he frowned, raised his palms upward and shrugged.

Once I parked, I walked over to the driver to make sure he didn't want the space. "You must be single, "he replied." If you were married, you would have known that was the universal sign for 'Go ahead and take the spot. I'm waiting for my wife.'"

在好几条街上开来开去后我最终在一购物中心旁发现一个停车位。我注意到另一男人极慢地开向同一方位。因为离他很近，我用眼神问他:“你要停在那儿吗?”他用手势回答得很复杂。开始他摇了摇头，然后他指指我，又指指那车位，又指指他自己，指指他的表和商店。最后他冲我皱了皱眉，两手向上，耸了耸肩。

我一停了车，就走到那个司机那儿确保他不需要那个车位。“你一定还是单身吧。”他说:“要是你结了婚，你就会明白我那通用的手势是‘去占那个车位吧，我在等我老婆。’”

4 花的语言/Flower talk

A gentleman entered a busy florist shop that displayed a large sign that read "Say It with Flowers".

"Wrap up one rose," he told the florist.

"Only one?" the florist asked.

"Yes, just one, "the customer replied. "I'm a man of few words. "

一位先生走进一个繁忙的花店。花店的大广告牌上写着:“让鲜花代替您的语言。”

“包支玫瑰。”他对卖花的人说。

“就一支?”卖花人问。

“对，就一支。”顾客说:“ 我是个少言寡语的人。”

5 烹饪节目/Cooking Show

Two neighbors were chatting over the back fence. "Did you know that my wife has started a cooking show on television?" one asked.

" Really?" replied the other fellow. “That's terrific! What's the show called?"

"That's Inedible. "

两个邻居在后院隔着栅栏聊天。“你知道我妻子在电视上开始主持烹饪节目了吗?” 一个问。

“真的吗?”另一个说，“那可太棒了，那个节目叫什么名字?”

“那是不能吃的。”

6 那又怎样?/So what

"With a single stroke of a brush," said the art teacher, taking his class around the National Gallery," Joshua Reynolds could change a smiling face to a frowning one. "

"That's nothing, "said one small boy. "So can my mother."

“只需挥一下笔刷，”带着他的班参观国家美术馆的美术老师说，“乔舒亚·雷诺兹就能把一张微笑的脸变成一张皱眉头的脸。”

“那没什么，”一个小男孩说。“我妈妈也能做到。”