1 我的雇主之剑/My Sword of Employer

The black lacquer stand holding his prized samurai swords was dusty, so my husband left our cleaning lady a note, reading, “Check out my swords.” That evening, he found the stand just as dirty as before but with this appended to his note: “Nice swords.”

架着他的珍贵的武士刀的黑漆支架已是尘土飞扬，于是我的丈夫给我们的清洁女工留了一张纸条，上面写道，“查看我的剑。”这天晚上，他发现支架还像以前一样脏，但这几个字加到他的字条上：“好剑。”

2 美满婚姻的关键/The Key to A Good Marriage

I once gave my husband the silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, “Hey, we're getting along pretty great lately!”

我曾经给我的丈夫整整一个星期的沉默对待，在其末尾他宣称，“嘿，我们最近相处的相当好！”

3 披萨的风险/Pizza Perils   

An exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Domino’s Pizza:

Customer: I ordered a Pizza and came with no toppings on it or anything, it’s just bread.

Domino’s: We’re sorry to hear about this!

Customer (minutes later): Never mind, I opened the pizza upside down.  

一个愤怒的客户和表达歉意的多米诺披萨店之间的交流:

顾客：我订了一个披萨而上面没有浇头或任何东西，它只是烤的面饼。

多米诺：听到这个我们很遗憾！

顾客（几分钟后）：别在意，我打开披萨时弄反了。

4 厨房秘事/Kitchen Confidential

My friends tell me that cooking is easy, but it’s not easier than not cooking.

我的朋友们告诉我做饭容易，但不做饭更容易。

5 给坏邻居的信/Letter to a Bad Neighbor   

Dear Charlie,

We’ve been neighbors for six tumultuous years. When you borrowed my snow blower, you returned it in pieces. When I was sick, you blasted Metallica. And when your dog decorated my lawn, you laughed. I could go on, but I’m not one to hold grudges. So I am writing this letter to tell you that your house is on fire.    

亲爱的查理，

我们已经做了动荡的六年的邻居。当你借我的吹雪机用，你还回来时它成了碎片。当我生病时，你狠命地玩金属乐队。当你的狗在我的草坪上大小便时，你笑了。我可以继续写下去，但我不是一个小心眼的人。所以我写这封信告诉你，你的房子着火了。

6 在现实生活中的社交媒体/Social Media in Real Life  

I’ve given up social media for the New Year and am trying to make friends outside Facebook while applying the same principles. Every day, I walk down the street and tell passersby what I’ve eaten, how I feel, what I did the night before, and what I will do tomorrow. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and me gardening. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them. And it works. I already have three people following me—two police officers and a psychiatrist.

在新的一年我已经放弃了社交媒体，我试图结交脸书之外的朋友而同时应用同样的原则。每一天，我走在街上，告诉路人我吃过的东西，我的感觉，我昨晚做的事，我明天要做的事。然后我给他们看我家人的照片，我的狗的照片，和我的园艺的照片。我也听他们的谈话，然后告诉他们我爱他们。这样做有了成效。我已经有三个人跟随我了，两名警察和一名精神病医生。