1 时尚前沿/Fashion Forward

A client recently brought her two cats to my husband’s veterinary clinic for their annual checkup. One was a small-framed, round tiger-striped tabby, while the other was a long, sleek black cat. She watched closely as I put each on the scale. “They weigh about the same,” I told her.

“That proves it!” she exclaimed. “Black does make you look slimmer. And stripes make you look fat.”

一个客户最近带来了两只猫到我丈夫的兽医诊所做猫的年度检查。一个是小身架的老虎条纹的虎斑猫，而另一个瘦的光滑的黑色猫。当我把每一只猫放到秤上时她仔细看着。“它们的重量差不多，”我告诉她。

“这证明了这一点！”她感叹道。 “黑色确实让你看起来更苗条。而条纹会让你看起来更胖。“

2 鹦鹉学舌/Talking Bird

My father’s secretary was visibly distraught one morning when she arrived at the office and explained that her children’s parrot had escaped from his cage and flown out an open window. Of all the dangers the tame bird would face outdoors alone, she seemed most concerned about what would happen if the bird started talking.

Confused, my father asked what the parrot could say.

“Well,” she explained, “he mostly says, ‘Here, kitty, kitty.’”

一个早晨我父亲的秘书赶到办公室时明显悲痛欲绝，她解释说，她孩子的鹦鹉逃出笼子从开着的窗户飞走了。所有驯养的鸟独自在户外会遇到危险中，她似乎最关心的是如果鸟儿开始说话会发生什么。

我父亲困惑地问这只鹦鹉会说些什么。

“好吧，”她解释道，“他多数时说，‘这里，猫咪，猫咪。’”

3 友好的猫/Feline Friendly

A woman walked into my aunt’s animal shelter wanting to have her cat and six kittens spayed and neutered.

“Is the mother friendly?” my aunt asked.

“Very,” said the woman, casting an eye on all the pet carriers. “That’s how we got into this mess in the first place.”

一个女人走进我姑姑的动物收容所希望给她的大猫和六个小猫做绝育。

“猫妈妈友好吗？”我姑姑问。

“非常友好，”那女人扫了一眼所有的宠物笼子说。“这就是为什么我们陷入了这个烂摊子。”

4 饥饿的/Hungry Cat

One night while I was cat-sitting my daughter’s indoor feline, it escaped outside. When it failed to return the following morning, I found the beast clinging to a branch about 30 feet up in a spindly tree. Unable to lure it down, I called the fire department.

“We don’t do that anymore,” the woman dispatcher said. When I persisted, she was polite but firm. “The cat will come down when it gets hungry enough.”

“How do you know that?” I asked.

“Have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree?” she said.

Two hours later the cat was back, looking for breakfast.

一天晚上，当我照看我女儿的室内猫时，它逃到外面去了。第二天早上它未能回来，我发现这家伙在一个大约30英尺高的细树上抱着一个树枝。无法把它引诱下来，我打电话给消防队。

“我们不这样做了，”女调度员说。当我坚持着，她很有礼貌但坚定地说。 “猫特别饿时就会下来。”

“你怎么知道的？”我问。

“你见过一只猫的骨架在一棵树上吗？”她说。

两个小时后猫回来了，来找早餐。

5  魔术猫/Magic Cat

I worked at a boarding kennel where people leave their dogs and cats while on vacation. One morning I had taken a cat out of his cage, and after playing with him and replenishing his food and water, I put him back in.

A few minutes later, I was surprised to see the feline at my feet, since the cage doors lock automatically when they’re shut. I couldn’t figure out how the cat escaped, until I bent down to pick him up and spied his nametag: “Houdini.”

我曾在一所寄宿犬舍工作，当人们度假时就把他们的猫和狗留在那里。一天早上，我把一只猫从笼子里拿出来，和他玩了一会儿，又给他加了食物和水后，我把他放了回去。

几分钟后，我很惊讶地看到猫在我的脚下，笼子的门在关上时会自动锁上。我无法弄清楚猫是怎么逃脱的，直到我弯下腰来看到他的名签：“霍迪尼”。

注: Houdini（美国魔术师哈利·胡迪尼）

Harry Houdini，（1874年3月24日， – 1926年10月31日），本名艾瑞其·怀兹（Ehrich Weiss）被称为史上最伟大魔术师、脱逃术师及特技表演者。

6 常规饲养/Regular Feeding

When my daughter and I caught only one perch on our fishing trip—not enough for even a modest lunch—we decided to feed it to her two cats. She put our catch in their dish and watched as the two pampered pets sniffed at the fish but refused to eat it.

Thinking quickly, my daughter then picked up the dish, walked over to the electric can opener, ran it for a few seconds, then put the fish back down. The cats dug right in.

我和女儿在我们钓鱼旅行中只钓到一条鲈鱼，甚至都不够一顿适度的午餐，我们决定把它喂给她的两只猫。她把我们抓的鱼放到他们的盘子里，看着两个养尊处优的宠物闻了闻鱼，但拒绝吃它。

快速思考后，我女儿拿起盘子，走到电动开罐器那儿，让开罐器转几秒钟，然后把鱼放回去了。猫就开始吃了。