1 会弹钢琴的狗

A guy walks into a bar with a small dog. The bartender says, "Get out of here with that dog!"

The guy says, "But this isn't just any dog... this dog can play the piano!"

The bartender replies, "Well, if he can play that piano, you both can stay... and have a drink on the house!"

So the guy sits the dog on the piano stool, and the dog starts playing.

Ragtime, Mozart... and the bartender and patrons are enjoying the music.

Suddenly a bigger dog runs in, grabs the small dog by the scruff of the neck, and drags him out.

The bartender asks the guy, "What was that all about?"

The guy replies, "Oh, that was his mother. She wanted him to be a doctor."

一个人带着他的狗走进一家酒吧。

酒吧服务生对他说，“这里不能带狗进来，请离开吧!”

那个人对服务生说，“这可不是一般的狗，它可是会弹钢琴的!”

服务生回答说，“呃，如果它真的能弹钢琴，你们可以免费在这喝上一杯!”

那个人把狗放到了弹钢琴坐的凳子上面，狗就开始了演奏，先是拉格泰姆音乐、接着弹莫扎特还有其它的……服务生和顾客们都非常欣赏它的弹奏。

突然，一只体型更大的狗跑了进来，一把抓住小狗的脖子就把它拽出去了。

酒吧服务生问那个人，“那是怎么回事？”

那人回答，“噢，那是它妈妈。她不想它儿子玩音乐，而是做一名医生。”

2 名声与艰苦劳动

During the Gulf War, my sister, Jane, bought a flag and asked her apartment's maintenance man, a Vietnam vet, to install a pole for him. When she offered to pay him, he told her there was no way he could take money for putting up the American flag.

Jane contacted her local newspaper, and they published an article about the incident. The next time she encountered the maintenance man, he told her that everyone he knew had read her story and that she had made him a celebrity. Jane jokingly asked for his autograph.

"I don't have time," the man replied. "I'm too busy setting up American flags.”

海湾战争期间，我妹妹珍妮买了一面美国国旗，她请房子的维修工—一位越战的老兵给她竖一根旗杆。当我妹妹为此事给他钱时，他说，他帮助挂美国国旗，无论如何都不该收钱。

珍妮来到当地报杜，就此事在报上发表了一篇文章。当珍妮第二次碰到那位维修工时，他对珍妮说他所认识的人都看了她写的文章，是她使他成为了名人。珍妮开玩笑地说让他给签个名。

他回答说:“那我可没时间，挂美国国旗的事忙得我不可开交。”

3 善解人意

I had just learned to drive and, like most teenagers, begged at every opportunity to take over the wheel. During a family vacation my father finally allowed me drive on a long, straight stretch on highway. I was in my glory until there was a sudden turn in the road.  Caught unaware, I swung too wide and ran into a service station's advertising sign. I stopped the car and waited for a lecture.

My father, always considerate of his children's feelings, turned back to the rest of family and said. "As long as we're here, does anyone need to use the rest room?"

像大多数的青少年一样，我刚学会开车时，总想利用一切开车的机会。有一次家庭外出度假时，我经过请求，爸爸终于允许我在笔直的高速公路止驾驶。我感到十分荣幸，直到开到了一个急转弯，由于转盘转动得太大，车直奔着加油站的广告牌冲去。我停下了车，等着挨训。

我的父亲总是考虑到孩子们的情绪，转过身对家里的其他人说:“既然我们已经把车开到了这儿，有人想上厕所吗?”

4 一个言出必行的人

A crowd of student was gathered on the campus of Oxford University. “You can have no doubt,” shouted a young man excitedly, “that if the Dean does not take back what he said to me this morning, I’ll leave Oxford this very evening！”

A buzzing noise followed. “What a man of actions！” one said in admiration. “How should we support him and learn from him！” said another.

Suddenly, a girl asked, “What did the Dean say to you, Hob?”

He bent and whispered to her, “Well, er??? er??? Miss Rose, er???  he told me to get clean away from Oxford this very evening！”

一群学生聚在牛津的校园里，一个年轻人情绪激动地叫道：“毋庸置疑，如果那个家伙不收回他今早对我说的话，我今晚就离开牛津。”

下面一片喧哗。“真是个言出必行的人。”一个人艳羡地说。另一个说：“我们要支持他、学习他。”

突然，一个女孩问道：“那家伙对你说什么了，霍波？”

他弯下腰小声说：“哦，呃…呃…，罗斯小姐，呃…他说要我今晚从牛津滚出去。”

5 轻而易举

Stepping from my kitchen into the garage, I accidentally locked myself out of the house. When I tried to persuade my 18-month-old son, Taylor, to open the door, none of my tactics worked.  Finally, I walked around the house to check for an open window. To my amazement, I found the front door open and Taylor standing there with a salesman.

"I've been locked out for 20 minutes," I said. "How did you get him to open the door?"

Looking puzzled, the man replied, “I rang the doorbell."

出了厨房我便走进了车库，不留神把门锁给撞上了，把我自己锁在了门外。我那18个月的儿子泰勒在屋里。于走，我在外边千方百计地想让他帮我开门，结果均告失败。最后，我围着房子想找个开着的窗子。令我吃惊的是，前门开着，我的儿子站在门口正与一个推销员在谈话。

我对那推销员说:“我被锁在了外边20多分钟，你是怎样让他给你开门的?”

面带惊奇的推销员回答说:“我只按了一下门铃。”

6 只剩一个引擎

A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker:"Attention, passengers.  We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately,  we will arrive an hour late as a result. "

Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again: "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late. "

At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"

一架747客机正跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音:“旅客们请注意，我们四个引擎之中有一个失灵了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。不幸的是因此我们要晚到一小时。”

过了一会儿，旅客们又听到了机长的声音:“各位，你们猜怎么啦?”我们刚又坏掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了，有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。”

正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说:“看在上帝的份止，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们会整夜都呆在天上了。”