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1 称赞 Praise
Mrs. White asked Mr. White: “Is this suit beautiful?”
Mr. White answered: “Whatever you wear is beautiful.”
“How about the necklace?” ”Any necklace around your neck is nice.”
“Do you think my husband handsome?” “Darling, no matter which man stands beside you, he is handsome.”
“Do you think my husband handsome?” “Darling, no matter which man stands beside you, he is handsome.”
怀特太太问怀特先生:“我这套衣服好看吗?“
怀特先生说:“任何衣服穿在你身上都好看见!”
“那我戴着这条项链好看吗?”“任何项链戴在你脖子上都好看!”“那你说我先生好看吗?”“亲爱的,任何一个先生站在你身边都好看!”
2 一位了不起的天才 A Remarkable Talent
"Did you know I could tell time by the piano?" asked one friend of another.
"You're kidding," replied his companion dubiously.
"I'll show you," said the first man as he sat down at the piano and started to hammer out a martial tune.
Within seconds came a pounding on the wall, and an angry voice shouting,
"Hey, you son of a bitch, don’t you realize it’s three o’clock in the morning?"
“你相信我可以由钢琴知道现在几点钟吗？’一位老兄向他的朋友问道。
“别开玩笑了！”他的朋友怀疑地回答。
“那我试给你看，”说着那位老兄就坐在钢琴前开始弹起一首进行曲。
几秒钟后墙壁传来捶打声，一个愤怒的声音叫道：
“嘿！你他妈的，你知不知道现在是凌晨三点钟？”
3 一个早熟的小孩 A Precocious Child
When the door-to-door salesman rang the doorbell of the suburban home, he was taken aback when a 10-year-old boy opened the door smoking a big cigar. The salesman could only stammer out, "Er, is your mother at home?" Answered the boy, "What do you think?"
当挨家挨户兜售东西的推销员按了一幢郊区房子的门铃后，他吓了一跳，开门的竟是一位嘴里叼着一根大雪茄的十岁男孩。推销员结结巴巴地问道，“哦，你妈妈在家吗？”小男孩回答说，"你认为呢?"
4 天气预报 Weather forecast
A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "It will rain tomorrow." The next day it rained.
A week later, the Indian went up to the director again and said, "There will be a storm tomorrow." The next day there was a storm.
"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.
However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.
Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot an important scene tomorrow," said the director. "And I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"
The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know," he said. "My radio is broken."
一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处进行拍摄。一天,一个印度老人来到导演面前对他说:“明天会下雨。”第二天果然下雨了。
一周以后,印度人又来了,他告诉导演说:“明天会有暴风雨。”果然,第二天有暴风雨。
“这个印度人真神,”导演说。他告诉他的秘书去雇佣这个印度人来预测天气。
然而,几次预测天气成功之后,这个印度人连续两周没有露面。
最后,导演派人把这个印度人请来了。导演对他说:“我明天必须拍摄一个很重要的场景,全都指望你了,明天天气如何啊?”
这个印度人耸了耸肩说道:“我不知道,我的收音机坏了。”
5 第四元素 The Fourth Element
Teacher: What are the four element of nature?
Student: Fire, air, earth, and... and ...
Teacher: And what? Just think it over, what do you wash your hands with?
Student: Soap!
老师：自然界的四大元素是什么?
学生：火、气、土。。。和。。。
老师：和什么?想一想，你用什么洗手的?
学生：肥皂。
6 小心有狗 Beware of dog
As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door.
Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register.
"Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner.
"Yep, that's him," came the reply.
The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"
"Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"
一名陌生人走进一家乡间小商店，看到玻璃门上帖着的一个告示牌上写着，“危险! 小心有狗!”
进去后，他看到一条样子一点都不凶的老狗趴在收款机旁边的地板上睡觉。
“这就是大伙都得留神的那只狗啊?”陌生人问店主。
“是，就是他”，店主回答。
听到这个回答，陌生人觉得很好笑。“我觉得那条狗一点都不可怕。你帖那个告示做什么?”
“因为，”店主解释说，“在我帖告示之前，大伙老被他绊倒。”
(from internet)
问好白开水,新春快乐!
君子好!
周末快乐! 情人节快乐!
问好懒风! 周末快乐!
Ｈａｐｐｙ Ｖａｌｅｎｔｉｎｅ＇ｓ Ｄａｙ， 松松！
fengdaming好! 你写的笑话太逗了, 小孩子聪明极了:)
谢谢你的分享, 周末快乐!
萨兰乌好! 很高兴你喜欢:)
欢迎你来玩, 周末快乐!
小小好! 很高兴你喜欢这贴:)
小小, 周末快乐!
点点好! 我也以为那个印第安人有特殊才赋呢, 原来是听了收音机~
点点, 周末快乐!
哈哈, 雪花, 那个老公太会说话了, 夸着夸着就把自己给夸了:)
雪花, 情人节快乐!
母亲：你房间就像个猪圈，还不赶快打扫！
儿子：哪个猪圈是猪自己打扫的？
周末节日快乐！：））
贝卡好! 谢谢你喜欢:)
也祝贝卡和家人情人节快乐!
是啊,才10岁就抽烟,太早了!
娃娃乐,情人节快乐!
问好翛然, 情人节快乐!
纽约美眉好! 喜欢你的咖啡和白富美的故事,咖啡醇香美丽, 美人的故事动人!
纽约美眉, 周末快乐!
问好惜福! 很高兴你喜欢:)
惜福, 周末快乐!
哈哈,喜欢妹妹爽朗的笑声:) 很喜欢你的博客,总是那么风趣幽默.
抱歉回复晚了, 今天去一古城逛了一天, 直逛到腿软.
妹妹, 周末快乐!
这是我常来坐坐的地方。很温馨。你的粉丝一会儿就追你来了！
我的狂笑症恐怕治不好了。。