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1 主啊为什么是我 Why me lord
A man was wandering around in a field, thinking about how good his wife had been to him and how fortunate he was to have her, He asked God, “Why did you make her so kind hearted?"
The Lord responded, “So you could love her, my son."
"Why did you make her so good looking?"
"So you could love her, my son.”
"Why did you make her such a good cook?"
"So you could love her, my son."
The man thought about this.
Then he said," I don't mean to seem ungrateful or anything, but, why did you make her so stupid? "
"So she could love you, my son."
有名男子在田野里徘徊心里想着他的老婆对他有多么好，他多么幸运拥有她。他问上帝：“你为什么要把她造得这么心地善良？”
主响应说：“我的儿呀，这样你就会爱她呀。”
“你为什么要把她造得这么貌美呢？”
“我的儿呀，这样你就会爱她呀。”
“你为什么要把她造成一个很会做饭菜的人呢？”
“我的儿呀，这样你就会爱她呀。”
这名男子想了一下这件事。然后他说: “我并不是有意好像我不知好歹，或是其他什么的, 可是，你为什么把她造得这么笨？”
“我的儿呀，这样她就会爱你呀。”
2 守护天使 Guardian angle
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: “Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will over you and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?” the man asked, “Who are you? "
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked. “And where the hell were you when I got married?"
有一名男子正走在街上的时候听到一个声音：“站住！不要动! 如果你再走一步，就会有一个砖块掉到你的头上砸死你。”
这名男子停住了，一个大砖块就掉在他的面前。这名男子非常惊讶。他继续向前走：不久后，他要穿越马路。那个声音再次叫说：“站住! 不要动，如果你再走一步，就会有一辆汽车辗过你，你就会死掉。”
这名男子就照着指示做，此时正好有一辆汽车左摇右晃地冲过转角处，差一点撞上他。
这名男子问说：“你在哪里？你是谁？”
这个声音回答说：“我是你的守护天使。…”
这名男子问说：“喔，是吗？那我结婚的时候：你死到哪里去了？”
3 爬楼梯 Climbing the Stairs
Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75story sky-scraper. After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights stairs to get to their room. Bill said to Jim and Scott, Let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I will tell jokes for 25 flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way. At the 26th floor bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing, at the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories. "I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car!"
比尔，吉姆，和史考特一起参加一场会议，并且在一栋七十五层摩天大楼的顶楼合住一间大套房。在一整天的会议之后，他们非常惊讶地听说他们饭店的电梯坏掉了，他们必须要爬七十五层的楼梯回到他们的房间。比尔对吉姆和史考特说，让我们把精神集中在有趣的事情上，来打发这件令人不快又单调乏味的苦差事。前二十五层我来说笑话，后二十五层吉姆可以唱歌，剩下的路程史考特可以说些悲哀的故事。到了二十六层，比尔停止说笑话，吉姆开始唱歌。到了五十一层，吉姆停止唱歌，史考特开始说些悲哀的敬事。他说：“我要先说我最悲哀的故事，我把房间钥匙留在车子里面了！”
4 为什么 Why
A cemetery grounds keeper was going about his rounds when he saw a man lying on a grave, sobbing loudly and pounding his fits on the ground, "Why did you have to die?Oh,why?Why?Why?"he lamented. "A loved one's passing is a terrible lose.” The grounds keeper offered in consolation, "but someday, the pain will pass.”
"Love one?" the weeping man said, looking up.
"I didn't even know the guy."
"Then why all the tears?”
"He was my wife's first husband!"
“一位墓园管理员在巡视的时候，看见一名男子躺在坟墓上，大声哭泣，并且用他的拳头重重地敲打地面．他悲痛地说："你为什么一定要死？哦，为什么？为什么？为什么？”
墓园管理员安慰他说“心爱的人死去是个很难受的损失，但是终有一天，伤痛会过去的。”
这位哭泣的男子抬起头看着他说：“心爱的人？我根本不认识这个人。…”
"那为什么要痛哭流涕呢？…"
"他是我老婆的笫一任老公呀！”
5 生气的熊妈妈 Angry Mummy Bear
Baby bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my porridge? “He squeaks.
Daddy bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair, He looks into his big bowl .It is also empty! "Who is been eating my porridge? “ He roars.
Mummy bear puts her head though the serving hatch from the kitchen and scream. "For God's sake, how many time do we have to go through this? I haven't made the porridge yet!"
熊宝宝走到楼下坐在他的小餐桌椅上。他窥探着他的小碗。碗是空的。他吱吱叫说：“谁吃了我的麦片粥？”
熊爸爸来到桌边坐在他的大椅子上。他窥探着他的大碗.碗也是空的。他大声吼叫说：“谁吃了我的麦片粥？”
熊妈妈把她的头从厨房的端菜口伸出来尖声叫着：“看在老天的份上，我们还得忍受这样子多少次呢？我还没做麦片粥啦！”
6 谁的儿子最伟大 Whose Son Is the Greatest
The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons. "My son is a monsignor," said the first proud woman. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Monsignor'."
The second mother went on, "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Excellency'."
"My son is a cardinal." continued the next one. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Eminence'.
"The fourth mother thought for a moment. "My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300 pounds, "she said, "When he enters a room, people say, 'Oh, my God'!"
四位牧师的母亲聚到一起谈论她们的儿子。“我的儿子是个教士，”第一位母亲自豪地说道，“他进入房间，人们都说，‘您好，阁下’。”
第二为母亲说：“我的儿子是位主教。他进入房间，人们都称，‘您好，大人’。”
“我的儿子是位红衣主教，”第三位母亲接着说，“他走进房间，人们都说，‘您好，尊敬的主教大人’。”
第四位母亲略思片刻。“我的儿子身高六英尺十，体重三百磅，”她说，“他要是走入房间，人们都说‘哦，我的上帝’！”
(from internet)
问好闲闲客! 情人节快乐!
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周末愉快！