南山松

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周末一笑: 丈夫的休息日

(2014-12-20 05:04:04) 下一个
1 丈夫的休息日 The Day off from Work
    My husband was enjoying the day off from work and watched me scurry about the house. I picked up his dirty clothes, put away his work shoes, carried out his popcorn bowl from the previous night's football viewing, washed the breakfast dishes, wiped the coffee he'd spilled and ironed his shirts. Seeing a thoughtful look on his lace, I wondered if he was beginning to realize just how much unnecessary work he created for me. Maybe he would offer to help. "A penny for your thoughts," I said.
    "I was thinking," he replied, "that one of the things I like best about you is how you always find ways to keep yourself busy."   

    丈夫正在过休息日,他看着我在屋子里来回奔忙。我捡起他在脏衣服,将他工作时穿的鞋子放到一边,拿走前一天晚上他看橄榄球时放在旁边放爆米花的碗,洗早餐的盘子,擦去他溅出的咖啡,熨他的衬衣。看到他脸上若有所思的神情,我想他是不是开始意识到他给我添了许多不必要的麻烦,也许他还会帮帮忙呢!“给你一分钱,告诉我你在想什么?”
    “我在想,”他回答道,“你总能找到办法使自己忙个不停。这一点我很喜欢。”

2 翅膀 Wings

    The fried-chicken restaurant where I was working had a big rush just before closing one day, leaving us with nothing to sell but wings. As I was about to lock the doors, a quietly intoxicated customer came in and ordered dinner. When I asked if wings would be all right, he leaned over the counter and replied, "Lady, I came in here to eat, not fly."

    一天,我工作的炸鸡店在关门前出现了一阵抢购狂潮,结果除了鸡翅外所有的东西都卖完了。当我正准备锁门时,一名喝醉了的旅客进来要进餐。我问他翅膀行不行,他从柜台上靠过身子来,回答道:“女士,我到这儿来是吃东西的,不是要飞!”

3 太有礼貌 Too Polite

    A woman who frequented a small antique shop rarely purchase anything, but always found fault with the merchandise and prices. The manager and her salesclerk took the woman's grumpy complaints in stride, but one day she went too far. "Why is it I never manage to get what I ask for in your shop?" demanded the woman.
    A smile on her face, the clerk calmly replied, "Perhaps it's because we're too polite."     

    一名妇女经常光顾一家小古董店,但几乎从不买什么东西,却总是对商品和价格吹毛求疵。对于那妇女的粗暴抱怨,经理和她的销售员总是应付了事,但是有一天她做得太过分了。“为什么你们店里总是不能得到我想要的东西?”那名妇女指责说。
    职员脸上带着微笑,沉着地回答道:“也许是因为我们太有礼貌了。”

4 绝配 Perfect Match

    A wealthy matron is so proud of a valuable antique vase that she decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase. Several painters try to match the shade, but none comes close enough to satisfy the eccentric woman.
    Eventually, a painter approaches who is confident he can mix the proper color. The woman is pleased with the result, and the painter becomes famous.
    Years later, he retires and turns the business over to his son. "Dad," says the son, "there's something I've got to know. How did you get those walls to match the vase so perfectly?"
    "Son," the father replies, "I painted the vase."

        一位富婆为拥有一只珍贵的古玩而深感骄傲,以至于她竟要把卧室漆成与花瓶同样的颜色。几名油漆匠试图调出这个底色,但是谁也没有能令那位怪癖的妇女满意。
    最后来了位油漆匠。他非常自信能调出那种颜色。那妇女对他的成果非常满意,油漆匠于是一举成名。
    多年以后,他退休了,生意也交给儿子。“爸,”儿子说,“有件事我得弄清楚,您是怎样使墙的颜色与花瓶配得那么绝的?”
    “儿子,”父亲回答说,“我漆了花瓶。”

5 催单 Reminder

    In the veterinary office where I'm a technician, we mail out reminders when pets are due for vaccinations. Bruno, a German shepherd, arrived for his annual rabies shot, and we were required by state law to ask his owner if Bruno had bitten anyone in the last ten days. "Oh yes, in fact that's why we're here," she replied. Surprised, I told her we assumed they'd come in because of our reminder.
    "We did," she explained. "Bruno bit the mail carrier who was delivering your card."

        我是一家兽医站的技师。当动物到了该注射疫苗的时候,我们就寄出催单。一条德国物质牧羊犬布鲁诺来做每年一次的狂犬疫苗注射。我们依照州法律的要求询问他的主人,在过去的十天里布鲁诺是否咬了什么人。“噢,是的。事实上这正是我们到这儿来的原因,”她回答说。我觉得奇怪,告诉她我们以为他们是因为收到了我们的催单才来的。
    “的确如此,”她解释道。“布鲁诺咬了送你们催单的邮递员。”

6 照相机 Camera

    On our way to a wedding in Vermont, my husband and I realized we had forgotten our camera. We stopped at a general store and, hoping to purchase a cheap, disposable model. Sal asked the owner, "Do you have any of those throwaway cameras?"
    "Look, fella," replied the owner, "I don't care what you do with it after you buy it."

        在前往威蒙特参加一个婚礼的路上,我和丈夫意识到我们忘了带照相机。我们在一家百货商店门前停了下来,希望能够买到一种便宜的,一次性照相机。萨尔问店主:“你们有那种用了就扔的照相机吗?”
    “我说,小伙子,”店主回答说,“我可不管你买了之后怎么处理它。”

(from internet)
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评论
南山松 2014-12-21 05:21:31 回复 悄悄话 回复 'fengdaming' 的评论 :
fengdaming好!
谢谢喜欢,祝阖家圣诞新年快乐!
南山松 2014-12-21 05:19:55 回复 悄悄话 回复 '南胖子' 的评论 :
南南好! 嗯,油漆工聪明,醉汉有趣:)
祝南南阖家圣诞新年快乐!
南山松 2014-12-21 05:18:17 回复 悄悄话 回复 '百步' 的评论 :
百步好!
欢迎来玩,祝阖家圣诞新年快乐!
南山松 2014-12-21 05:17:27 回复 悄悄话 回复 '美丽风景' 的评论 :
美丽好! 都是从网上找的:)
祝美丽阖家圣诞新年快乐!
南山松 2014-12-21 05:16:48 回复 悄悄话 回复 '日落云霞' 的评论 :
问好云霞!
祝云霞阖家圣诞新年快乐!
南山松 2014-12-21 05:15:50 回复 悄悄话 回复 '含嫣' 的评论 :
问好含嫣!
祝含嫣全家圣诞新年快乐！
南山松 2014-12-21 05:14:08 回复 悄悄话 回复 '叔丁' 的评论 :
问好叔丁!
叔丁,周末愉快！圣诞快乐！
fengdaming 2014-12-21 04:59:06 回复 悄悄话 幽默！谢谢你。
南胖子 2014-12-21 01:20:00 回复 悄悄话 哈哈哈！油漆工真聪明，醉汉回答地太有水准了。
百步 2014-12-21 01:17:34 回复 悄悄话 史料不及
美丽风景 2014-12-20 19:07:15 回复 悄悄话 松松哪里找到这些搞笑的段子？ 笑死银：)
日落云霞 2014-12-20 18:33:01 回复 悄悄话 很机智幽默！问好松松！
祝松松圣诞新年快乐！
含嫣 2014-12-20 17:49:46 回复 悄悄话 开怀笑一笑，心情大好。

问候松松，全家圣诞新年快乐！
叔丁 2014-12-20 17:39:02 回复 悄悄话 松松周末愉快！圣诞快乐！
南山松 2014-12-20 16:48:08 回复 悄悄话 回复 'nycman' 的评论 :
nycman好! 第四个确有意思:)
nycman, 周末圣诞快乐!
nycman 2014-12-20 14:03:49 回复 悄悄话 第四个大有深意呀。
周末愉快！
南山松 2014-12-20 12:50:22 回复 悄悄话 回复 '林贝卡' 的评论 :
Thanks Rebecca,I am glad you like it:)
Rebecca, have a nice holiday!
南山松 2014-12-20 12:49:19 回复 悄悄话 回复 '小声音' 的评论 :
哈哈, 还真真有厉害的, 有手机就不在乎照相机了~~~
小小, 圣诞快乐如意!
林贝卡 2014-12-20 11:57:28 回复 悄悄话 Hilarious jokes. Thanks. Songsong, have a wonderful holiday weekend.
小声音 2014-12-20 11:25:12 回复 悄悄话 哈哈哈，这个丈夫咋这么油墨咧：）））
是啊，照相机买了不用就扔，因为现在有手机了^o^
松松周末快乐，圣诞新年快乐！
南山松 2014-12-20 10:46:25 回复 悄悄话 回复 '红石榴花' 的评论 :
谢谢红石榴花喜欢:)
欢迎红石榴花来玩,圣诞快乐!
南山松 2014-12-20 10:45:22 回复 悄悄话 回复 '一帧手绘书签' 的评论 :
一帧好! 也祝你圣诞快乐如意!
南山松 2014-12-20 10:44:41 回复 悄悄话 回复 '小西门' 的评论 :
谢谢小西门喜欢:)
欢迎来玩,圣诞快乐!
南山松 2014-12-20 10:44:07 回复 悄悄话 回复 'spot321' 的评论 :
点点好! 那个丈夫应该看出来妻子都是在收拾他的东西:) 油漆匠的确聪明, 店伙计的回答有趣:)
谢谢点点欣赏,圣诞快乐!
红石榴花 2014-12-20 08:00:22 回复 悄悄话 醉汉和油漆匠的有意思！
一帧手绘书签 2014-12-20 07:53:54 回复 悄悄话 周末到你这笑几笑，呵呵哈哈呵呵哈哈！
祝南山松圣诞快乐！
小西门 2014-12-20 06:23:53 回复 悄悄话 逗，绝对幽默！????
spot321 2014-12-20 06:21:43 回复 悄悄话 这个丈夫很不错嘛，还懂得如何表扬妻子，哈哈。是啊，机智的油漆匠和多金的蠢富婆的确是一双绝配。照相机店的伙计说得也没错，只要人们愿意，什么品种的照相机都可以拿来仍。谢谢小松的辛勤，祝周末愉快并节日快乐！
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