For some strange reason, i remembered him tonight.
Was that our first night out? it was in the winter.
Yes, it was on the bank of the river, at the rear gate of the Palace Museum.
At the dark corner.
We both worn winter clothes. so thick.
Two bikes standing on the side. He kissed me.

He was smoking. the small sparkle of light breathes in the dark.
"since when you liked me?"
I asked him.
Boring cliche from girls.
"Maybe since i saw you the first time"
He says.
I kissed him back.

I asked for the cigarette in his hand. he smiled, handed to me.
... i coughed.

Then one afternoon. i went to his home.
Faburary? yes that was winter. cold.
I was trembling so badly before i step into the building.
I know it will happen on that very afternoon.

...

i don't remember much. but there was a world map hanging beside his bed.
I was touching that map afterwards.
long, long strokes, on the islands, on the continents, and over the ocean.
and there was also a print of a sketch hanging,
it was by a french painter.

Oddly, the same sketch appeared 4 years later in my life,
when i met another man i loved.
Or, another word, crazy for.
the mysterious connection in life.

Later that afternoon, i saw his mom.
She was a beauty. One of the leading ladies in her "sing and dance ensamble".
The first moment i saw her, i felt that i must had met her before.
She was nice and easy.
she might know what had happened.
But she pretend she knows nothing.
And she made me stay for dinner.

She was a single mother, after married twice.

He was a top student and popular boy in our high school.
His eyes are long and slim.
His body tall and elegant.
When smiles, two oval- shaped dimples appear on his face.
He likes girls, obviously.
"He is a dangerous one!!" a girl said once, seriously.
thinking back, i thought that was a funny comment.

How dangerous can a 17 year boy be?

we spent a lot of time together in the painting room.
I will have a sculpture in front of me, sketching.
He will stand there, chatting with me,
Or drawing some ugly pigs on the blackboard.
Sometimes a bunch of my friends come in and play bridge there.
I just let them.

" would you learn how to play bridge?
so we can play together...
here is the book".
He once said to me.
i have no interest whatsoever.
I just loved art.

Once when i was sketching.
I saw some little red hearts falling into my pencil box.
One, another one, another one...
I was blushing...
"where are you cutting those from?"
I pretend i don't know what he means.
He looked at me, smiling, not answering my question.
" I am cutting them with the scissors..."

During winter break,
We went to the piano room in school.
the room is small and cold.
"My fingers are numb!!"
I told him.
He holds them, trying to warm them up.
"Let me light a fire, to warm this place up!"
and he did...crazy boy.
flame and smoke came out ...
In the room, i almost lost sight of him
except i can feel his lips kissing mine...

...

Before summer, i got to know that he had other girls.

June 3rd, 1989, we had the talk.
At the end, he said--
"tommorrow morning, they maybe will act".
He said. His dad got connections in the army.

And they did.

At the moment, the man i will meet after four years
Was on the square.

Mysterious connections in life.

Oh can I only remember the beautiful moments in life?
can i only remember his lovely smile, warm hugs and passionate kisses.
He was so lovely, so lovely when he was 17.

After meeting him ten years later,
the pain finally fading away...

I would rather remember him as 17 year old.
let it be that way forever.

And i do not care, do not care about the pain.
Let those beautiful moments shine like fireworks
in my life.