when i just came here, i found an apartment in which i live with another two students.
i had a little room, a bed. i pay $180 a month.
i called dad, told him i am here.
there was a little TV left by the girl who lived there before me. the first night i remember there was this program playing, called "E! talk soup". she just keeps talking and i don't understand much.
i woke up at 1:00am , feeling totally strange. jet lag.
finally i am alone. should i be happy?

three monthes later i moved into an apartment on 4th floor of a building. i can then live by myself. it was $385 a month.
One day there was this guy selling a queen sized bed. it was $75.i was interested. he then carried the matress from first floor to 4th floor through staircase. into my room, he put it into place. He said-- oh you want to go to lunch together? there is a nice place around the corner. i smiled and said No.

Soon i found i am in the total silence i had never been experianced. i don't have music, i don't have TV.
i sit on the bed, i hear silence wrapping around me. they want to swallow me.

i got to know this guy, he was a friend of a friend.
He is kind of handsome, married, has a daughter and wife.
One morning he came in and visited. he said he ran from center city.
he ran??
he worn a T-shirt, shorts. sweaty.
i must be so numb at that time.
one day he had given me their old TV. it was so old that the design must be from the 70's. but at least i have some sound that could fill the space. i was happy.
Very soon i stop seeing this couple. because one night when i sit in his car, he grabbed my hand--when his wife went to send something for her parents.
i forgot what he said at the moment. no idea.
but i remembered that moment. i was a bit scared. i don't bother married guy.

i had somebody in my heart at that moment.

I need to find a job. my money is running out.
Everybody had worked in a restaurant. so i could find a waitress job as well i thought.
i remember trying to read a Manu from a Chinese restaurant near by. "what is a "brockli?" i asked my roomate...
i was nervous i cannot understand the English....the phone number...

But i took a deep breath and went into that restaurant.....