She climbs a tree and scrapes her knee,
Her dress has got a tear.
She waltzes on her way to Mass
And whistles on the stair.
And underneath her wimple
She has curlers in her hair—
I even heard her singing in the Abbey!
She's always late for chapel—
But her penitence is real.
She's always late for everything
Except for every meal.
I hate to have to say it
But I very firmly feel
Maria's not an asset to the Abbey.
I like to say a word in her behalf—
Then say it, Sister.

Maria…makes me…laugh!
How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do you find a word that means Maria?
A flibbertijibbet!
A will-o’-the-wisp!
A clown!
Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her,
Many a thing she ought to understand,
But how do you make her stay
And listen to all you say?
How do you keep a wave upon the sand?
Oh how do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?
When I'm with her I'm confused,
Out of focus and bemused,
And I never know exactly where I am.
Unpredictable as weather
She's as flighty as a feather—
She's a darling!
She's a demon!
She's a lamb!
She'd outpester any pest,
Drive a hornet from its nest,
She can throw a whirling dervish out of whirl.
She is gentle,
She is wild,
She's a riddle,
She's a child,
She's a headache!
She's an angel—
She's a girl…

How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do you find a word that means Maria?
A flibbertijibbet!
A will-o’-the-wisp!
A clown!
Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her,
Many a thing she ought to understand,
But how do you make her stay?
And listen to all you say?
How do you keep a wave upon the sand?
Oh how do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?