Listening to aubio book on the treatment of POWs in Japanese camps, it feels that self had been under the victim mentality since childhood. You have to do what you are told, follow the rules, and stay low. How has it been serving you? Nobody has thought high of you besides that you are a nice guy. Been giving the feeling of being on the lowest rank having to be nice to make do. You might need to stay in that POW mentality when being in that rare circumstance. But it leaves an impression of low self-esteem under normal life. So be on the high-esteem side at all time unless you have to stay low. Think of how to live a dignified life.