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Ben Bernanke Speech to Fed Members at Jackson Hole:
Thankyou for your time this morning to consider my remarks. Since time isshort, and you all want to get blind drunk and fill your fat jowls withpate', I'll keep this speech brief.
We at the Fed believe therisks of inflation are well contained...oh screw it. Look folks, we'rescroomed. SCROOMED, I tell ya!!!. And there's nothing my fellow old,white Politburo members or I can do about it.
Now, luckily forus the vast majority of the people out there are really, really, stupidand they actually believe that we have some kind of control over thisrunaway Frankenstein monster that is our modern-day economic system.And the ones that aren't stupid are corrupt and part of the scam, so wecan probably get away with some more hocus-pocus mumbo-jumbo andpretend that the wheels aren't coming off the bus.
So, I suggestthat you all fly directly from this meeting to Geneva Switzerland orPanama where you will be safe from the soon-to-be roving hordes ofstarving masses. In the meantime, I will crank up the printing pressesto full speed ahead before I catch a private jet outta DC, and Ipromise to electronically transfer a couple of jillion fiat credits toyour numbered accounts—that is if the chocolate makers or drug moneylaundering banks will still accept them.
In conclusion, it's allGreenspan's fault and I never would have taken this stupid job but atthe time I just HAD to get out of Princeton because I was tired ofspending my days grading papers and God knows I was sick of that gig atthe Montgomery Township Board of Education—it just didn't pay enoughfor the aggravation of listening to the whiny parents moaning about whydid their little Johnny fail math, blah, blah.
Thank you, andplease be sure to steal as many towels as possible from the JacksonHole Inn. You will need them in your new gig as dishwashers in someSwiss bistro or Panamanian hovel.
Regards,
Benny
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