[文章来源: kristine 于 2004-06-27 21:12:33 ]

1
戏剧和电影都喜欢较少的场景。
<<初夏>>仅一个场景。

2
第1段仅3个词。视觉背景已交代。简洁宜目。

3
No one knows your name
except a slender light of early summer
这是妙句。没有直说 No one knows your name in Corner cafe.

except a slender light of early summer
既说了这是初夏，又在这里自然出现。

slender一词是本诗的第一次诗意自然表出。这一词的用法是精细的。

4
Falling slantingly over
a variety of oceans between your hands
“a variety of oceans”是双关 (多义)语。既指CAFE等，又指读者所理解的，如可以是文字等。slantingly是个好的选词，既不过于生僻，又不过于常俗。

5
How does it find you?
This ray of light, this moment, this voice
这一句从实景移向虚意。从外围移向主人公的感受。

6
Now you almost feel comfortable among strangers
who are cracking some cheap joke across table

You take another sip of sugared bitterness
in their hollowing amusement

这Corner cafe，我读起来以为在讲诗坛。无论它是不是作者的原意，这是高超之处。
后一句是双关 (多义)语。

7
Is this a joke?
You hear someone ask

You can’t laugh with them
for a variety of reasons
这在步步逼向她的内心。同时有继续在原场景CAFE中。

8
But an unusual peacefulness inside you
in this early summer light
这是所谓结尾前的“提/转”(参见早先“无泪”的1技巧贴)。在为她作early summer的
一语概之的总结了。

9
A ship horn beyond horizon
A Chinese girl far from home

“当船在地平线之后鸣笛
一个中国姑娘远离家乡”

多好的结尾啊！

10
第1次读时，不禁感到写的是我。想必，坛上其她几位“Chinese girl ”或有同感。

“让你读了觉得是写你。”这话已是极高的评价了。这一境界使我选评此诗。



Early Summer
_____________________

Corner cafe
Cappuccino & melancholy

No one knows your name
except a slender light of early summer

Falling slantingly over
a variety of oceans between your hands

How does it find you?
This ray of light, this moment, this voice

Now you almost feel comfortable among strangers
who are cracking some cheap joke across table

You take another sip of sugared bitterness
in their hollowing amusement

Is this a joke?
You hear someone ask

You can’t laugh with them
for a variety of reasons

But an unusual peacefulness inside you
in this early summer light

A ship horn beyond horizon
A Chinese girl far from home