MITA Retaliates: Declares No Fart Day Posted on Wednesday, November 22, 2000 Topic: The Arts by Pak Cham Kai In response to the "No Art Day" declared by local artists, the Ministry of Information and the Arts (MITA) has retaliated by banning all arty-farts for a day. Under "No Fart Day", certain activities associated with the local arts scene will be made illegal for a single day, including, but not restricted to: cross dressing; the identification and use for dramatic performance of godowns, shophouses, parks or any public space or building not set aside for professional theatrical use; the use of talcum powder in hair tomake a person look old; any examination of the human condition, especially the championing of the oppressed, in particular homosexuals; rhyming couplets; wine and cheese parties; the use of the words "oeuvre"; "dramaturge"; "magical realism"; and "repertoire"; constantly addressing people as "darling". The added prohibition against flatulence is simply for emphasis. Said MITA spokesman Phang Boh Pooi, "We believe people should show more restraint in their art, and not just let any old thing come out. And what better way than to suppress your own gases?" Museums, concert venues, galleries and other artistic spaces will remain open, and people will be allowed to come in. However, security will be on the lookout for poseurs, aesthetes and anyone suspected of being pretentious. "We will look out for people who stick out their last fingers while drinking, who wear turtleneck sweaters or berets, or who wear vintage black spectacles," said Singapore Art Museum chief of security, Mr. Tankap bin Pondan. Additionally, methane detectors will be installed at these artistic venues. "Farting per se is allowed. It's only arty farts that are illegal," said Mr. Phang. "This means farting in artistic spaces, or in an artistic or theatrical way." When asked what farting in an artistic or theatrical way meant, Mr. Phang grimaced, then activated a video presentation. Some local artists were inflamed by MITA's move. At a gathering of prominent arty farts at the Substation, the atmosphere was clearly explosive. "This is an intolerable infringement of our freedom of expression," said Mr. Smell'fian bin Fa'at of the Necessary Stage. "First they stifle our art, now they're stifling our fart!" Ms.Chia Gah Lek of Theatreworks fumed, "This policy stinks!" --talkingcock.com