Cheryl,

It was JFK, or more probably his speech writer, who wrote "we need men
(and presumably women) who can dream of things that never were..."

All of us, to varying degrees, have been molded by out stutter and the
effect the accompanying embarrassment, frustration and indeed pain has
created during our formative years. We've also been molded by our
parents, the environment we've grown up in etc.

Like you - and also at around your age - I cursed God (which is odd as
I'm an atheist) for playing this practical joke on me. Maybe I was
lucky but I also had a mother who taught her five children they could
soar as high as they wanted to and that only our fear of falling would
hold us back.

I believe I am the best - sounds egotistical, I know - but unless you
believe in yourself and your abilities then who else is going to? I
like to lead, not be led, and so when I was offered my first managerial
position at twenty-five I grabbed it with both hands. And yes, in my
darker moments I worried whether my stutter would hold me back but on
the outside I was confident and pushy and made sure those following
believed that I knew the right path.

I was serious about using a psychologist, rather than a therapist or a
fluency program. It was interesting reading your posts after you
completed the McGuire program and comparing them with your recent
posts. What's changed? Why did you seem on a high when you completed
the course but several months later appear to have slipped back into old
habits? I've not done the course - and never will - but believe if you
did an assertiveness course, rather than a fluency, breathing course,
the benefits - particularly longer term - would be far greater.

Confidence and a belief in one's self is the secret to controlling and
overcoming the fear the stutter creates within all of us. Forget about
attaining full fluency because it's not going to happen - at least not
long term - and concentrate instead on building self confidence, self
esteem, a belief in you and your innate talents. You're well educated,
verbally, if not orally, articulate and can think out of the box. And
yes, it would be nice if you were also fluent but you're not and the
sooner you come to terms with that you can begin to work on the talents
you have and mold your personality around them.

Stephen Hawkins is trapped inside a useless body, can't speak without a
machine, can't eat or go to the toilet without a nurse but some would
argue he's our generation's Einstein. Focus on the talents you have and
face the world head on.

I often leave the house with this thought in my head "Yes, I stutter but
so what? You're ugly (or stupid, uneducated etc.) but you face the
world each day, so I'm going to face it each day with my dis fluency."

Try and forget about the negativity and concentrate on all the pluses
and dream of things that never were!

Jon