As I described in my previous article that stuttering is a habit. It is is caused by incorrect way of speaking at first and strengthen by underline stress, nervous, shame, humiliation etc. negative feelings and conception. With this negatvie feedback, the confidence of languague is weakening, then more blocks, more disfluency and more negative feelings. It just reinfore each other and stablized as a state of mind of stuttering. Whenever I want to express myself, this state of mind just keeps telling me that I will stutter, I will be humiliated when I stutter. My mind still want express myself, however, my unconsious keeps telling me I am unable to talk. I am hyponotized at this point. I just can not move my lips, mouse, and my other speech faculties. I am so eager to express my feeling and ideas, however, I just could not do it. This frustration increases my temper, anxiety. I was caught in this negative, vicious cycle. I was going down the drain, my body, my mode, my relationships, and my career.
Three years ago, a dramatic event happen in my family. I was in a crisis for  a while. However, this crisis is a great opportunity. I grabbed this opportunity. Because of this event, the external stimulus of the negative feedback lessened and finally removed. I started to be myself. I started to improve my speech. With the removal of the baggage, I feel that I am happy again. I started to talk to my friends. I started to express my feelings and ideas. I was walking out of the negative cycle. During this time, I visited psychological consulor about my problem. I could express myself really well during the session of consultant. However, I do not think the consulor could help me too much. However, from that time on, I started to express myself more and more. I have the passion of speaking because I have so much to say. I do not want to be isolated from the outside world. I have the desire to communicate through my language, speech. From that time, I started to face the reality and face the world directly.
I bought some videos and books about stuttering. I started to read through the literature about stuttering. I started to attend the local NSA (national stuttering associate). I am gaining more knowledge about stuttering. One very important thing during this period of time is that I got a article from John Harrison, who was a person who stutters and now he claimed that he is recovered completely. The artilce could be found on the internet. I learn the stuttering hexagon. This stuttering hexagon fit my understanding very well. Later on I bought his book entitled "How to Conquer your Fears of Speaking Before People". I read throght this book for couple of times. I feel that each time I read through it, I gain something. My speech is progressingly improving.
During this time, I read a lot articles about stuttering, and bought some other books. However, stuttering is one of the most difficult habit to overcome. I am improving, however, the pace is very slow. I am exploring the way to overcome the problem persistently. Finally I got to the current 180 degree shift about my stuttering problem. I am perceiving stuttering is a God' blessing in disguise. It is the way God's testing and working on me. I will continue to tell the story how I got to this dramatic mind shift.