2006-06-08

Ai, what can I do with my inmature parents?!

Everything in my life so far looks pretty good, at least to me, except I have a pair of inmature parents to deal with from time to time. Yesterday afternoon, I got an urgent phone call from my Mom, sounded really angry and hurt, "I can't stand your father anymore, buy one ticket for us, send either me or him back home, we can't live together anymore. I've had enough!"

I had to rush back home to do an immediate mediation session. It took the whole afternoon to let everyone spit out what have been bothering them, and what ignited the fight with each other. It was all small and trivial in my mind, but not to them. Things were further compounded by their bad communication style evolved over the last 40 years or so based on a semi-arranged marriage. Of course, at the end, my father apologized, my mother let it go.

I talked with my husband after he got home, he gave me his full support and comforted me. But, deep in my heart, I just don't feel happy about it at all. Well, I've done what I can, it's really beyond my capability. All I can do is wish for the best for them...

Thank you for reading. I feel a little bit better getting it off my chest...

A couple of replies I got:

	哈哈！跟我一样，我那天刚给我妈国际长途调节了一晚上。。。	Local Access打往中国电话卡1.3￠/分种
	来源: 爱宝娘

我家父母是我外公指定的，先结婚后恋爱的。主要矛盾是我爸爸是“工作狂”，而且，工作之余，还有很多业余爱好，等这些都完了，留给我妈的时间就很少了。我妈退休后虽然上了老年大学，交了很多朋友，但也受不了他。他没有周末，请我妈去吃顿饭，可以接20个电话。嘿嘿。。。
每次都是这个原因。我就得先听我妈抱怨啊，然后，车轱辘话劝啊。然后，把老头儿叫来“教训”一下。我经常跟他们说：
1。现在，我长大了，你们老了，就象我的孩子一样，我现在在国外，国内也没有别的孩子照顾你们，你们两个不搞好安定团结，还指望谁呢？别老让我操心好不好？
好好日子不好好过，老闹内讧？

2。年轻夫妻老来伴儿。这人都活大半辈子了，对方的性格也早都了解了，改变不了就接受吧。今天他还能惹你生气，还能跟你吵架。等老的动不了了，生病住院了，你恨不得他从病床上跳起来跟你吵，对吧？今天你还生气饿着他，不给他作饭，等他病了老了，吃不动了，你恨不得山珍海味伺候他吧？赶紧珍惜好不好？

3。你喜欢“爱宝”吧，你这样老生气，肯定不会太健康，你不还想看爱宝结婚生宝宝吗？你得学会修养心性，健康长寿，可以享受重孙绕膝的乐趣，那多好。那臭老头，别理他！等他退休了，肯定巴巴儿的求你带他玩儿。
。。。
反正啊，就跟对孩子一样。虽然她已经过了更年期，可还是隔一段发作一回，好象心理毒素要排泄一样。只好陪着哄着。。。我还专门为此换了长途计划，每月交固定钱，可以免费1000分钟，希望能够。。。
咱们抱抱吧。。。

- Thank you for sharing your experience,  I think your parents are lovely!

这人都活大半辈子了，对方的性格也早都了解了，改变不了就接受吧! You said it so correctly! I have been telling them the same thing over and over again, they just don't get it. They would rather bickering with each other everyday. Sometimes I can't help to think, well, there is not much that I can do if don't have any willingness to change, out of sight, out of mind.

- 唉呀，没那么严重的，就如常满说的，老人有时就是孩子。by wonderkid
俗话说，“老小，老小”。 就是年纪大的人，常常就会表现出象小孩子一样的行为。 老夫妻拌嘴，就如我们小时候兄弟姐妹间的争吵一样， 开始激烈，过去就过去，都会原谅对方的， 你不必担心。

我父母也是这样的， 但是我知道他们其实好得很， 所以每次拌嘴总是“各打50大板”， 把谁都说一遍， 他们就没辄了。 ：) 就像小时我妈妈对我和我哥一样， 不过我只是和事佬而已啦。。。。

还有，一点提醒， 父母间的事，可以轻松和老公提起， 但是不要太“严重”地提起， 因为久了， 会让你老公对你父母产生负面印象。 虽然夫妻感情好什么都可以share, 但是适当自己保留的还是自己保留，何况你父母和你们住在一起。 不好意思，只是个人的想法而已。 不一定适用你家。 ：)

Thank you all for your reply! Yes, you're all right about it, and I understand it too. I think I was pretty objective and calm yesterday when I pointed out their problems, and how they could have made each other feel better if they expressed themselves in a different way. I didn't get emotional at all at the time.
But this morning, I was certainly not myself when I woke up. It still got me.

Thank you for your comments and analysis, I feel much much better now!

And to that Crazydog said: • It sure is hard for a daughter to play parent to parents! Hug