Quietly, I sat alone!


 
I love to gnaw my fingers!



My hands are my toy!

 
Eyes Full of Wonder!

Ava, a surprise for us. Her blissful arrival brightened our life. She “intruded” in my life, before my biological instinct really kicked in.

I knew I wanted to be a mom, eventually, - but not now. The first moment I knew she resided in my ovary, I slided into the state of denial. I felt a blank in my brain, and I felt helpless. The first person we let know is my dearest older sister, so around 12:00am early in the morning, my sister was awakened by my call, - but to my disappointment, what I’d expected from her is not what I sensed from her tone (she asked, “you want to keep it , right?”), maybe what I merely wanted to get from her was confirmation and assurance. I was 28, and I never anticipated that the fact of being a mom would happen so soon.

Up to that moment, being a mom, had been considered the most holy experience I would ever imagine, and I would “cautiously” experience it when I’m READY. I always wanted to have my kids to be surrounded by the perfect parenthood, so subconsciously, I procrastinated. I’m not perfect, we’re not perfect, how could my perfect parenthood get jumpstarted? No way.

THINGS HAPPENED, SO HAPPENED.

Ava is 3 months now. I enjoyed every bit of motherhood, even in anxiety, agony state of breastfeeding in the first two weeks. Maybe, mothering is sensed as mundane routine now, but always, thinking of having her in my life just makes me smile.
 
Sometimes, still, I’d like to say to my friends, yeah, “I’m a YOUNG mom”, but I’m the perfect mom, because I LOVE HER SO MUCH!