自从做了妈妈之后,对自己要求严了。老想做一个成功的人 来做宝宝的榜样。现在老是
想总结自己的性格，try 纠正自己的性格。因为觉得自己年纪很轻，锻炼成一个好性格
为事业打好基础。但是老是不太如意。能得自己挺累。

比如自己性格比较敏感，有点善于查颜观色，别人一个小神情也能令我想半天。有时候
挺累人。
比如想和别人打好交道，一个是语言还是不到家，有时候别人说话及自己follow
不上。自己性格不是十分爱表达自己，几句话就没什么可说得了。----自责

自己以后想做个faculty,希望能和周围的professor时常交流交流，但常常不知说什么
，而且见到他们还有点紧张。倒头来，只是点头微笑的分--自责

对自己的专业有点兴趣，但不是很强，是强是弱。但又不知道自己该做什么最适合自己
，所以只好往前走。

老是给自己心理负担，比如想换专业，但是又想起国内的导师会不会因此瞧不起自己。

从小就有点偶像崇拜的倾向。比如国内崇拜过系里女院长和实验室的副导师，
希望以后做她们那样的人。但又怀疑她们不喜欢我，所以从而推测自己是不能成为她们
那样的人的。

总之，一片乱麻，劳工说我事事举重。我也不知道如何，请大家办忙分析一下。谢谢！

发信人: DPSN (快乐阿飞), 信区: PsychoAnalysis
标 题: Re: 心理困境
发信站: BBS (Wed May 16 00:55:24 2007)

what do you really want, instead of meet other people\'s needs, in your life?
what do you want to be, instead of ought to be?
do you know your true feelings, instead of pretended feelings to please
people?

how can you set yourself as the model you want your kids to follow, if you
can\'t answer above 3 questions?

you were a kid living in a prison, and if you are not aware of that, you
will put your kids in the same prison. you are frustrated now, and your kid
will be frustrated for sure if you don\'t free yourself.

good luck.
发信人: DPSN (快乐阿飞), 信区: PsychoAnalysis
标 题: Re: 心理困境
发信站: BBS (Wed May 16 15:21:52 2007)

you might not see the difference between feel and express. we are not entitled to freely express our anger, rage, etc toward people, that\'s true; but we all need to touch our true feelings, instead of to repress them.

when we were little, we repressed our true feelings, covered our true needs, to be good kids bringing the least inconvenience; we did things not what we truely wanted so as to get the parent\'s love in return. this sounds normal to most of us, and the little kids within us still,now, consider what the parents gave as true love, without knowing that the true parent\'s love is unconditional and is the only unconditional love we all should have in the whole world. a 2-yr old deserved to be fed without having to be obedient, and a 4-yr old boy was fully entitled to get mother\'s hugs without having to be able to count from 1 up to 100.

after we grow up, the lack of true love in childhood leads us to seek love in substitutes, such as our bosses, our teachers and friends, or even our children. we are so eager to please everyone of them, yet are so scared to be abandoned or belittled in case we can\'t meet their expectation or glorify them. and that\'s the woman who wrote the original post.

after doing this continuously long enough, we lost ourselves -- we took parent\'s needs as our needs, and we couldn\'t know our true feelings because we had lost touch with them for so long. the battle, searching for parent\'s love, which we are engaged in, is doomed to fail, because we are looking for the love we could never get. the love was long gone, lost forever in the past, due to the fault of our parents.

the danger i see in LZ\'s original post is that, she does not realize the root of her frustration and consider many things happened to her as most normal, and is ready to pass that prison to her child.

it\'s time to be awakened. closely observe your little child, and think about your early childhood. your needs and talents were smothered, your feelings were tortured and dessociated exactly at his/her age. do you want to repeat it? or set the little one free? we are not God, and have no right to mess up any other human being\'s life. we are her/his company, lucky enough to walk along with him for a while. be nice.