儿子从小到大一直是个非常乖的孩子，可以说非常听话，偶尔有点“阳奉阴违”也大多是玩电玩玩得太过沉迷。从初中到高中，四年以来，在一个竞争激烈的学区和学校里，他一直是全A学生，唯一的一次，拿了个A-, 我们没有任何意见，他自己却耿耿于怀，好久还会提起，说他若怎样怎样了，就不会有那个刺眼的一横。平日里，儿子和我出外，小时候，大多我搂着他的肩，如今长高过了我，妈妈和儿子通常会手挽着手，别人看见都说我们母子情深，我也以此为荣。儿子一直是我的骄傲！ 

这样的乖孩子，初中八年级一场恋爱，竟也会和我吵得“天翻地覆”。如果，你读过我写的那个“与儿子约会”系列，你应该可以看出我并不是一个极力反对孩子谈恋爱的父母，相反，我会引导他该如何尊重女孩子，怎样在男女约会中展示他的礼仪和修养。可是，孩子感情的飞速发展，做父母的永远跟不上，而且，对于同一件事情不同两代人的相异理解，造成了我们母子当时发生冲突的主要原因。 

记得，有一天，孩子的爸爸去接儿子和女儿从学校回家，半路上，儿子要求爸爸把他送到一个地方，因为女孩子在那里等他要给他一样东西，爸爸忙不迭地把儿子送到那里，自己和女儿坐在车上等候，老爸比较老实，等便乖乖地等在那里，自己坐在车上看报纸； 机灵的女儿便没有那么老实，悄悄地尾随哥哥下车，看到远处一个女孩子飞奔过来，一下子就抱住她哥哥，马上跑回车上告诉老爸：“爹地，哥哥和那个女生在Hug(拥抱)。”爸爸大概那一刻头脑也不好使， 竟然不知道说什么好。回到家里，便把这件事对我说了，我于是决定找儿子谈谈男女朋友间这种恋情的深浅问题。没想到，一触即发，也许那天我第一次听到这种消息的时候挺担心的,语气中诸多责备，也许儿子正处在亢奋的顶端， 听不得半点意见。平生第一次，我对他大喊，他对我大叫，我们母子一下子成了“敌人”，老爸把儿子硬拉回他自己的房间，关上门回头来劝几乎崩溃的我冷静点儿，不到一分钟，女儿跑进她哥哥的房间，又急急地跑过来对我们说：“哥哥不见了！”。我们过去一看，他房间的窗子大开，他越窗而出了。 

我简直不敢相信自己的眼睛！这是我那乖巧的儿子吗？这是我那一向人见人夸的儿子吗？做爸爸的打儿子的手机，他接了电话，说：“太憋闷了，出去走走，一会儿就回来！” 

虽说那天儿子回来之在爸爸引导下我们继续就那件事谈得很平静，虽说儿子在爸爸的劝说下也向我道歉他的态度问题，我还是心里有了个大疙瘩，不久，就去他的学校，找到他的学术心理辅导员，和一个有着几十年丰富经验即将退休的辅导员谈了一个钟头。 在那次谈话中，我了解到，青少年生长发育期，有时会变得情绪不稳定，他们需要的是父母的理解和关心，辅导员对我“有种失去乖儿子”的感觉笑着安慰我“给他一点时间，他又会变回到你的乖儿子。”耐心和爱心，是我从那次谈话中得到的启示。做父母的没有不爱孩子的，只是这种爱心不能只从父母的角度出发，很多时候需要站在孩子的立场上才能理解他们的心。 

儿子的初恋无疾而终。我还没来得及高兴，他又陷入另一段感情之中。第二段感情中的女生暗恋他很久，他知道她喜欢他还是他第一个女朋友对他说的，也许失恋的空落使得他很快地陷入一个真心喜欢他的女孩子的情感中，总之，他收拾起心情又和这个女孩子搅在了一起。那本是一个读书的读的也不错的孩子，交往一段时间，儿子的功课没有受到丝毫的影响，但似乎那个女孩子成绩有所下降，女孩儿家教也很严，开始限制课后滞留在校的时间，两个人相处的时间的减少，很快又一段感情面临着结束的命运。 

儿子这次好多了，消沉了两天就又生龙活虎的了。我和他谈起这种没有结果的早恋，想让他自己感觉是否有浪费时间的意思？他却说从每段关系中，他都学到点东西，似乎他并没有得到我想要他的学到的东西。但是，无论如何，从中，我和他到确实都学到某些东西，至少，我们母子俩现在可以很平静地谈论他和女生之间的种种，他会告诉我他喜欢什么样的女孩子；舞会上，哪些女孩子和他跳舞等等这种话题。 

对我要求他高中还有三年半，可不可以专心读书，考上大学再找个好女孩？他总是大笑几声，对我说：“Okay, 妈妈，你别担心，我如果功课掉下来，你再担心也不迟。这种事情，发生了就发生了，什么时候不是我能控制的。”那种口气和我年少时几乎一模一样，我想起我高中时和一位读大学的邻居哥哥通信的情景，和我老爸像捉迷藏一样的收发信件，唉！也许没有什么必要太过操心？可是，我又想，我们那时除了通通信，什么都不会做的，可现在的孩子完全不一样啊！什么都敢做！和儿子也谈过男女之间恋爱的程度问题，儿子倒是对我这么说：“hug(拥抱)一下，没有关系啊，普通朋友也会hug的吗？其它，我知道分寸的。”真的吗？我心里不以为然。几天前，下雨天我去学校接放学回家的一对儿女，坐在后座的女儿问她哥哥：“你见过六年级的男生和女生在学校里kiss吗？”，哥哥回答：“没有。六年级？不大会吧？”女儿说：“我今天看到两个六年级的男女生，在走廊上Kiss了。”哥哥接着问：“Just kiss? Or French Kiss?”我开车的方向盘差点没歪过去！  

儿子即将参加一个青少年和父母沟通的演讲会，这段时间，几位青少年和带领他们的专家辅导员常常聚会谈论演讲会的议题。 在家里，我也和儿子谈论我们做父母的和他在沟通上所存在的问题，我建议他写一篇他对他前两次早恋之后的感想，并说说我们对他这种事情反映所对他造成的影响，正面的和负面的都可以，最主要是诚实地说出他的想法，他被我催了好几次，才勉强写了下面的文章，写好用邮件的方式传给我，对我说：“ I don’t want to talk about my writing at this time. Just for you to read.” (我不想谈论我写的，只是给你看看的。)  

他开始把标题命名为“另一种爱：爱情”，后来又改成“需要双方的努力才能成事”，可见的他内心深处对我们当时的举动还是有所微词的，我也能体会到自己为人父母中的探索和挣扎，而做得不当的地方肯定是不少。从他的文章中，我看到，少年人对爱情的理解还是肤浅的，对道义和责任还没有感受到，完全凭着一腔热情，听凭情感的带领，把爱情完全解释成“感觉”是很多人在人生的最初阶段的认识，我们年轻的时候不也说“爱情是心灵的碰撞！”，“只可意会不可言传”吗？然而，经过岁月和生活的磨砺之后，我们体会到，爱情中还有更多的责任和道义，“爱是恒久忍耐”！但是，认识到这一步的爱，是需要时间和经历的。 

给孩子时间吧，相信他，有一天会明白！ 

It Takes Two to Make a Thing go Right 

            Love; one word that means the whole world to some, and absolutely nothing to others. Love. What is it? That I cannot answer, no one can. It is a feeling without explanation, a bittersweet feeling that has no words to describe it. It takes up a different part of each of our hearts, and it has the ability to make joy, make hate, and change our lives. 

            If love is nothing, but yet everything to us, is it fair to restrain us from holding that feeling? As a teenager in high school, I am all too familiar with that question. I hear it repeatedly every day, and of course everyone believes the answer is no. Everyone, it seems, but our parents.  

Many people I know have told me that if they ever got into a relationship, and their parents found out, they would literally die. If their parents were to ever see them just speaking to another person of the opposite sex, they would catch hell because of it. Some pretty tyrannical parents, no? Of course, most parents aren’t actually that extreme, and undoubtedly my classmates over exaggerated when they said their parents would kill them. But it seems that the majority of parents, especially Asian parents, strongly disapprove of boy/girl relationships. 

Why? Maybe our parents are afraid we’ll do something stupid and end up with a bastard baby on our hands. Maybe our parents want us to spend all our time focused on our studies. Maybe our parents just don’t want to see us grow up. Whatever the reason is, teenagers as a whole don’t think that it’s plausible.  

We tend to think negatively of our parents on areas such as this. Sometimes we may even assume that our parents are just mindlessly restricting us for the heck of it. It is here where we are mistaken. A lot of times, we forget how much our parents love us; how they only want what they see is best for us. They may go about it different ways than we would like them to, and sometimes we mistake their love for a disregard of our feelings. But one thing we would do well to remember, is that no matter how much we screw up or how much it seems as if our parents want to hold us back, they do it because they love and care for us. 

This being said, certain issues must still be addressed, the main one being how our parents deal with us and our so-called “puppy love.” The most prominent question among us teenagers is: why is it so wrong for us to feel a physical attraction to another? Many parents answer: there’s nothing wrong, it’s perfectly normal to have a crush on someone at your age. But then when we finally reveal to them that we are indeed attracted to one person in particular, they jump out of their seats and try to talk us out of ever getting any closer to that person. Once again: why? Why can’t we be free to speak and express our feelings to others as we wish?  

Many parents underestimate us, and deprecate us for things we would never even imagine doing. They stress incredibly harshly that we should not get into a relationship of any kind. As said before, they may have justifiable reasons, but in my opinion, there is no reason saying that we absolutely shouldn’t. Most of us won’t go as far as to end up with something on our hands that we can’t handle. We may act dumb sometimes, but teenagers ARE NOT stupid at all. Also, for parents to imply that we are not ready or mature enough to handle such things only lessens our tolerance, and we probably won’t tell our parents when and if we do fall into a relationship. Not to mention: such relationships help us grow, and help us to see things we would not have before. It makes us strive to become better people, and teaches us many important “life lessons,” as one would call it. 

Even though it might be what parents think love is, it still is love. Albeit “puppy love,” or “young love,” or whatever other names there are for it, to us it is love. And who’s to say it isn’t? It might be a pointless love, it might be an artificial or reckless love, but does that make it anything else other than love? Because if what we feel brings us joy, brings us sorrow, and changes our lives, then it is love, and we should be free to fall in love, no matter the circumstance.

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与儿子约会 （一）

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